


Gray Area

by wood_c_thrush



Series: Who Is Ryan Green? [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wood_c_thrush/pseuds/wood_c_thrush
Summary: In-between scenes from Black and White and Gray, featuring Ryan, her boys, and their semi-dysfunctional family.  Enjoy!





	1. In Which Ryan and Bucky Discuss Interdimensional Physics

Deleted Scene: In Which Ryan and Bucky Discuss Interdimensional Physics

 

_After their fight, before the proposal_

 

“What’re you thinking about?”

Ryan blinked, turning to smile at Bucky.  His eyes were soft and warm as the hand tracing her arms, her neck, her face.  “Nothing.”

“You were making dumb faces,” he said, smirking down at her.  “C’mon, tell me.”

She ducked her eyes down, chuckling at herself.  “Have you ever heard of the infinite multiverse theory?”

“Like, other universes actually existing?”

“Yeah,” she said, leaning into the stroke of his knuckles down her cheek.  “I read about it in some science magazine one time.  It says that every universe possible within the laws of physics exists out there, somewhere.  I don’t know, in different dimensions, or something.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, grinning crookedly.  “That’s what you were thinking about?”

Ryan shrugged, cheeks turning pink.  “If you think about it, that means out there, there’s some universe where everything – _everything_ – is exactly the same, except the bedsheets we’re laying on are neon green.”

Bucky snorted with laughter, shaking his head.  “No H.G. Wells version of me would ever let that happen.”

“There could be a version of you out there whose favorite color is neon green,” Ryan countered, turning on her side to face him.  "Why wouldn't your bedsheets match?"

Bucky shook his head again, then scooted a little closer, nosing at her hair.  She closed her eyes, breathing him in and relaxing into the bed.  “Why’re you thinking about that, sweetheart?” he said, a tinge of worry in his voice.

“It’s just nice to imagine sometimes, that’s all.”  He stayed silent, and she shrugged.  “There’s maybe a universe out there where you and Steve met at a hipster coffee shop in Seattle.  Or, where you and I went on our first date to the circus where Clint grew up.  Or, where all three of us are the kings and queen of Brooklyn, and there’s world peace, and I have gardens full of daisies and lilac trees.”

Bucky lay still for a breath after she’d finished, then put his arm over her waist and tugged her flush against him, other hand cradling her head.  She sighed contentedly against his neck, and he held her a little tighter.  “There’s also a world,” he began, just louder than a whisper, “where superpowers don’t exist, and 9/11 never happened, and you’ve never set foot in New York.”

“I don’t think about that one,” Ryan said quickly.  Bucky just stroked a hand down her hair, caressing her cheek.  “Really.  I don’t.”

“It’s okay if you do.”

She took a deep breath, then leaned back.  Bucky’s eyes were sad, but he smiled gently at her anyway.  “You’re allowed to feel however you feel,” he whispered.  “Just like I’m allowed to hate the idiot version of me who loves neon green.”

“Bucky.  I don’t,” Ryan whispered back.  A tight feeling clogged up her throat as she considered it.  She pushed away from him before he could see her tears, and he let her go.

“Ryan, sweetheart,” he started, but she got out of bed, wiping at one eye.  She went over to the windows, staring out at the city drenched in morning sunlight.  A moment later, Bucky came up behind her, a few inches between them.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume anything.  I was just – “

“In that world, I don’t have you and Steve,” she blurted out.  She folded her arms, closing her eyes against the emotion swelling in her chest.  “There are a lot where I don’t, and I don’t want any of them anymore.”

The bedroom door opened.  She turned to look, and saw Bucky’s hand paused in midair, reaching for her.  Steve stood in the doorway, sweaty and flushed from his morning run, concern furrowing his brows.  “Everything okay?”

“All good,” Ryan said, trying her best to smile.  “I was just being dumb.”

Bucky’s hand reached her then, taking hold of her shoulder.  “Ryan – “

“I’m fine,” she interrupted, shrugging him off.  “I have work soon, I have to get ready – ”

“There’s no world where we’re not better for having you,” Bucky said, catching her hand.  “Anyplace we don’t, I don’t want to be there.”

He looked to Steve, who nodded, still looking confused.  “Of course.  What’s all this about?”

Maybe it was how easily Bucky said it, or how Steve accepted it without question.  Either way, Ryan knew, knew for sure, that she was never leaving again.  She was right where she belonged.

"Nothing," she replied, a real smile breaking out.  She squeezed Bucky's hand, and he smiled back at her.  "Did you know there's a universe where Bucky's arm is neon green?"

"If my fucking arm is green, then his shield is, too!"

 


	2. In Which Ryan Learns that Representation Matters

 

_Mid-July (after the proposal)_

 

“Leslie Knope holds a mating ceremony for _penguins_ – “

“Dwight, you ignorant slut!”

Ryan shrugged, then grabbed the remote herself.  Jane settled next to her as she clicked through Netflix, taking a handful of popcorn when she offered the bowl. 

“I like _Brooklyn 99_ best, myself,” Jane said, glancing over at Sam and Clint, now arguing about which TV couple was the cutest.  “I didn’t know Sam was so emotionally invested in April and Andy’s relationship.”

Ryan shrugged again.  A summer storm pelted the windows, claps of thunder signaling mandatory comedy night in the Stark household.  “I think it’s nice he’s a fangirl.  Maybe he writes slash fanfiction in his spare time, like Ben.”

“All well and good.  But I refuse to play the _Cones of Dunshire_ or eat calzones.  They might betray us.” Jane laughed, snorting at the confusion on Ryan’s face.  “That’s in a later episode, you have to watch them all in order.”

“I haven’t seen any of _The Office_ , Clint might kill me if I don’t watch that first,” Ryan smiled back. 

“I myself am particularly fond of the _Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt_ ,” Thor announced, wringing out sopping hair on to the floor.  Jane had shrugged when Ryan asked earlier, saying she didn’t know if dancing outside in thunderstorms was an Asgardian custom or a Thor-specific quirk, but at least he came back clothed this time.  Thor dropped onto the common room couch with a thud, making Ryan grab an arm as a lifeline as it teetered backwards.  “We share a great love of puppies!”

“What about _Arrested Development_?” Pepper asked, settling in the recliner by the glass wall.  “Maeby accidentally becoming a film executive is hilarious.” 

“Two words, man: L’il Sebastian.”

“The fire drill episode!”

 “Pepper, babe, I love you, but if you seriously think George Michael getting to first base with his cousin is funnier than _Big Bang Theory_ , I’m cancelling our trip to London for immediate comedy reeducation,” Tony announced, sprawling across her lap and putting the back of his hand to her forehead.  “Oh, thank god, it’s just a fever, everyone, she’s only hallucinating – !”

He loosed an undignified “meep!” as she shoved him off the chair.

“What was the one you liked, Buck?” Steve asked over his shoulder as he came in.  Ryan yelped as he suddenly scooped her up in his arms, instinctively winding hers around his neck as he sat where she’d been, settling her on his lap.  He kissed her cheek, smiling against her skin.  “ _30 Rock_?”

“ _FRIENDS_ was better,” Bucky answered, and Ryan managed not to squeak this time as he scooped her up, kissing her other cheek before flopping on Steve’s lap, Ryan on top of them both as Steve grunted in surprise.

“I can’t even see now, asshole – “

“I’ll paint a word picture – little words and primary colors, don’t worry – “

“Ooh!” Ryan said, ignoring them as a new title caught her eye.  She clicked the remote up two rows to the original features.  “Hey, guys, I heard this was awesome, can we watch it?”

A half-second pause, then a chorus of voices shouted, “NO!”, Clint and Darcy jumping up to stand in front of the TV.

“Okay!” Ryan said in alarm, holding up her hands in innocence, almost dropping the remote.  “Sorry, I know we said comedy tonight, I just – “

“No, no, um,” Darcy started, fidgeting her hands.  “You wouldn’t like _Stranger Things_ , trust me.”

“Not your scene at all,” Clint added, sounding almost frantic, “y’know, monsters, mayhem, suspense, Dungeons and Dragons references – “

“I’m okay with all that,” Ryan said, frowning.  She was, too.  Some hipsters in too-tight jeans had been whispering about the show earlier as she’d alphabetized DVD section L-Q, and it’d piqued her interest.  “I heard the little boys were adorable and the cinematography was great, why wouldn’t – “

“It’s not that,” Sam spoke up gently, too close to his counselor voice for Ryan’s liking.  He gave her a smile, a little too careful.  “There’s… some content that’s likely offensive to you, that most people wouldn’t look twice at.  And some other things that might bring up bad memories,” he added, glancing at Bucky for a brief moment.

Bucky’s arms wound around her waist, and she gave him a quick smile before looking around, sensing eyes on her.  Tony and Pepper looked uncomfortable, Natasha inscrutable, and Bruce, Jane and Thor just confused.  She was with them on that as she turned back to Sam.  “What would be offensive to me that’s not to – “

“One of the main characters,” Nat inserted.  She stood up from her spot on the loveseat, and Ryan suddenly felt nervous.  “She’s born telepathic and telekinetic after the government experimented on her mother and drove her insane.  The girl’s kept in a cell and experimented on most of her life, and escapes by snapping her guard’s necks.  She’s called a freak several times, goes on the run, lives in the woods, and kills a few dozen people before dying herself to save the town.”

Nat paused a moment.  “She’s only ever called Eleven.  Never gets a real name.”

The room stood silent.  A flash of lightning lit the room before thunder roared overhead.  Ryan sighed out a breath, swallowed once.  “Yeah.  Let’s watch something else.”

She tossed the remote to Clint, and leaned into Bucky’s chest.  Steve’s arms came around both of them, and she didn’t see any of whatever they ended up watching.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

“Talk to me,” Steve said, taking her hands in their own living room.  “What’re you thinking?”

Ryan sighed, shaking her head.  “If I say the name Carrie, does it mean anything to you?”

Steve looked to Bucky, who shrugged.  “Should it?”

“Well, it does to everyone else,” she sighed, releasing his hands and dropping onto the couch.  “You know Stephen King?”

“The talk show host?” Bucky said, looking confused.

Ryan smiled.  “No, that’s Larry King.  Or Stephen Colbert.”

“Oh!” Steve snapped his fingers.  “The blues musician, Sam likes him.”

“B.B. King,” Ryan giggled, “and if you say the civil rights activist next I will smack you.”

“We know that one,” Bucky smirked.  He went to the corner and fiddled with the record player, laying down a black-and-gold track.  Steve winced at the pitch before he tuned the dial, Bing Crosby’s voice crooning softly.

“Kiss me once, and kiss me twice.  Kiss me once again, it’s been a long, long time…” Bucky whisper-sung, going to sit on her left.  His arm wrapped around her shoulders.  “C’mon, tell us.”

“ _Stephen_ King’s a horror novelist,” Ryan explained, leaning into his side.  “I think he’s most famous for _The Shining_ , but.  Everyone – almost,” she amended, “almost everyone knows Carrie.”

“I assume Eleven was based on Carrie?” Steve surmised, sitting down himself.

“Probably.  Carrie’s this unpopular girl in high school, off in the middle of nowhere,” Ryan explained.  She closed her eyes, a grainy VHS tape playing a decade ago in her mind.  She’d had to see it for herself.  “She wins prom queen or something because of these horrible girls’ prank, and then they… dump buckets of pig blood on her.”

“Jesus H,” Bucky swore.  She turned her head, and he actually looked a little disturbed.  “The nuns would’ve boiled some holy water and banished them to hell, right then and there,” he directed at Steve, who nodded fervently. 

Ryan cracked a small smile.  “Righteously furious Catholics would’ve been a better angle.  For me, at least.”  The smile slid off her face.  “From what I remember, Carrie goes on a telekinetic rampage and just – murders everyone.  Graphically.”

Steve shook his head.  A note of anger came through his scent, muted but harsh.  Then his eyes widened, shooting back to hers.  “They wouldn’t – “

“Yeah,” she interrupted.  “She was unpresented, that’s why they hated her.”

Steve swore vehemently, jumping to his feet.  “That _fucking_ – the way our culture _still_ treats the unpresented is ridiculous, how the hell can they justify it?  Why is it _still_ okay to treat a worldwide people group like they’re inhuman?”

“Steve.  I’m used to it,” Ryan said quietly.  He whirled back around, fury flashing in his eyes.

“You shouldn’t have to be!  First the memorial, now shit like this?  And gee, I wonder why these characters are always girls?” he spat, rolling his eyes.  “Sexist bullshit on top of everything else – and why are they showing people with your abilities as going insane and murdering people, huh?  Anyone could, you’re not more likely to – “

“It’s not like they’re thinking about _that_ happening in real life,” Bucky said, and Steve rounded on him, disbelief and fury on his face.  “They’re not,” Bucky contended sternly, getting to his feet.  “No one knows people with Ryan’s abilities actually exist.  Their speculation is shit, yeah, but they don’t know that.”

“They should!” Steve growled, throwing his hands in the air.  “Jesus, that Superman character has strength, speed, flight, super vision and whatever else, no one even bats an eye!  No one cares that you and I can run a marathon in a half-hour, but give a girl telekinesis, she’s _obviously_ gonna be a psychopath – how can you even say that, Buck?”

“No, you’re right,” Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair.  “You’re right, okay?  But they were saying all kinds of shit about people like us 70 years ago, and that’s mostly gone now.  Maybe we just gotta wait it out.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Steve fumed.  “It’s not right, we can’t just sit around – “

“What are we gonna do, Steve, write angry letters to the FCC about telepath representation – ?“

“We can start with how they talk about the unpresented, those bigoted – !“

Ryan started laughing, and they both cut off, looking at her in surprise.  She shook her head, grinning, and put her arms around them both, as far as they would go.  “I love you both.  So much.”

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

Clint groaned.  Who the hell was pounding on their door at – he checked his phone, swearing at the brightness – 2:30 AM?

“Clint.  Door,” Darcy mumbled, shoving weakly and connecting with his butt.

“Jeez, quit groping me, I’m going,” he grumbled, rolling out of bed before Nat woke up.  Clint wasn’t positive if Russia had vodka-guzzling grizzly bears, but if it did, he’d rather wake one of them.

Three more knocks – no, pounds, someone was actually pounding the door with their fist, and Clint felt blindly around for his arrows.  “I’m coming!” he growled, swinging the door open mid-pound.  Steve and Sam stood outside, Steve’s chest puffed with righteous fury and Sam’s eyes barely open. 

“ _Dammit_ , Steve, what – yeah, sure, come in,” he said, as Steve dragged Sam inside by the arm.

“This had better be good, Rogers,” Sam added, sounding more murderous than anyone in purple plaid pajamas had the right to.

“I need your help.  Both of you,” Steve said.  Clint straightened up, eyes fully open at his tone.  “It’s important.”

Sam and Clint looked at each other.  “I’ll make some coffee,” Clint volunteered. 

When they were settled at the dining room table, three steaming mugs more sugar than coffee, Steve pulled out a small, gray notebook. 

“Bucky and I are still working through my original list,” he said, flipping the top to show them.  _Star Wars/Trek_ had been crossed off, along with Thai food, moon landing, disco, and Marvin Gaye.  “I’ve got no clue where to start with this, though.  What movies, music, _anything_ has come out that actually shows people like Ryan in a good light?”

“ _This_ is why you got me up at ass-o-clock in the morning?” Clint griped, then yelped when Sam kicked him under the table.  “What?  It is!”

“It’s important, dumbass,” Sam said.  “You think I’d be where I am today without positive Black representation?  Unpresented have got practically none.”

“Fine, sorry.”  He sent a more sincere look at Steve, who nodded.  He took a sip of his coffee, then grimaced.  Too much sugar.  “Wait.  She’s not unpresented anymore though, right?”

“I think… she still feels that way, most of the time,” Steve said slowly.  “And she’s not presented in the same way we are, either.  She, uh…”

“We don’t need to know,” Sam inserted.  “Come on, Barton.  The sooner we work, the sooner we sleep.”

At four thirty-three AM, it hit him.  “Sam,” he hissed, sweeping aside crumpled notebook pages to grab his arms, “Sam, Sam!”

“Jesus, _what?_ ”

“ _Avatar._ ”

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

“I thought movie night was tomorrow?” Ryan said, settling on Bucky’s lap without prompting this time.  “You were supposed to teach me how to swim.” 

He grinned at her, and she smiled back.  “We have a surprise for you,” he said, then kissed her gently on the lips, eyes sparkling. 

She gave him a suspicious look, and he kissed her again as everyone else started to arrive.  “Will I like it?”

“Pretty bad surprise if you didn’t,” Steve noted, kissing Bucky hello before scooping her up and kissing her, too.  Bucky grumbled playfully, and Steve tightened his arms around her, sticking his tongue out at his mate.

“Good lord, I’ll sit in the middle between you two,” she said, laughing at their antics.  They were lucky she loved it when they held her.  “Scooch over.”

“Everybody, shh!” Clint shouted a little too loudly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.  “Okay, Ryan,” he said, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.  “This is one of my favorite shows ever and it’s been forever since I’ve watched it and it’s perfect and you’re not allowed to dislike it at all.  Deal?”

“Um, yeah, of course,” she said, giving Steve a slightly alarmed look.  He grinned back at her then nodded towards the screen. 

“Water,” a girl’s voice said, and Ryan’s eyes widened as a man streamed water into the air and sent it flying off-screen. 

Within seconds, she was enraptured by the tale of four nations, and how the most powerful person in the world controlled water, earth, fire, and air, and how a little girl who lost her parents and her temper just might have saved the world. 

When the episode was over, she found herself on the floor, staring up at the screen in wonder like a kid at her first movie theater.  She looked back around, and Steve and Bucky were smiling at her, eyes full of love.

“Bucky,” she said, and he raised one eyebrow.  “Teach me how to swim.”

“Now?”

She grabbed the remote, rewinding to where Aang burst out of the sea on a whirlpool of water.  “I need to learn that first, if I’m gonna be able to do that.”

Sam and Clint looked at each other, then bumped fists.  Mission accomplished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is gratuitous fluff purely based on my love of a children's cartoon and the importance of media representation in modern life. It's my story, I can do what I want ;)
> 
> Also, this is NOT me hating on either Stephen King or Stranger Things!!! Those just happened to work like that in my universe and let me tell this mini-story on how thoughtlessness can affect minorities in media.


	3. In Which Steve Has a Great Birthday Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to get this posted a while ago, but good lord, the length got away from me. Enjoy!
> 
> Hover over or go to the end for translations.

_July 1 st (after the proposal)_

 

“I’m out of ideas.  I’m out of ideas!”  Ryan threw her hands in the air, slumping in the armchair.  “He doesn’t need anything, he doesn’t _want_ anything – “

“Everybody wants something,” Darcy interrupted, not bothering to look up from her phone.  She hadn’t for the past hour, having declared baseball the most boring sport of all time.  Even a Red Sox/Yankees double-header Fenway grudge match _in Ortiz’s final season, Darcy, come on!  Nope, you said we were gonna watch TV, not drying paint_.  “You know him way better than I do, this one’s all you.”

“But – “

“Ryan.  You,” Darcy said, raising an eyebrow.  “But, free hint: did you _ask_ him what he wants?”

“That ruins the surprise!”

“If you don’t even ask then how are you supposed to – no, never mind.  You.”

Ryan groaned, both at Darcy and David Price’s sixth ball thrown in a row.  They were already down 3-0 in the third.  This was just embarrassing. 

A minute of silence passed, then Darcy piped up again.  “By the way, Nat’s picking up family dinner – you want Thai or pizza?”

“I’ve never had either, I’m good with whichever.”

A moment of silence, then out of the corner of her eye, Ryan saw Darcy finally look up.  “Ryan.”

“Yeah?”

“Please tell me you’re joking.  Or insane.  Or – “

“No, no, dammit – YES!” Ryan screamed, leaping to her feet.  “Oh my GOD, did you see that?  That play was amazing, oh my god, Pedey is _on point_ – “

“Ryan!” Darcy yelled, sounding scandalized.  “What the _hell_ – “

The elevator dinged, cutting her off.  Jane entered a moment later, smirking.  “Darce, I could hear you in the elevator, we talked about inside voices – “

“Fuck your inside voices!” Darcy shouted, jumping to her feet and gesturing forcefully at Ryan.  _“Ryan’s never had pizza!”_

A banging crash came from behind them, followed by a heavy thump.  Ryan yelped, clapping a hand to her heart as Clint lay sprawled on the floor, the vent grate a few feet away.  “Oh my god, what the hell – “

“Ryan,” Clint inserted, voice deadly serious as he hopped to his feet, dusting off his clothes.  “Did Darcy just say what I think she said?”

“That I’ve never had pizza?  Um.  Yeah.”

Clint made a faint, high-pitched sound, actually looking a little pale.  “Who did this to you?” he whispered, reaching trembling hands out for her, “you poor thing – “

“No one did anything,” Ryan said, starting to laugh, “it’s just kind of a funny story.”

“What’s a funny story?” Sam said, he and Bruce coming in from the hallway.  “Hah, you’re losing, Green!” he added, pointing to the TV, and Ryan stuck her tongue out at him.

Darcy threw her hands in the air.  “Oh my god, would you forget about the stupid game?!  This is a travesty, a goddamn – “

“Jesus, what’s with the yelling?” Bucky inserted, coming in from the stairwell, hair damp from a shower and t-shirt sticking to his chest.  Ryan took a second to appreciate the view, then sighed before kissing him hello.  She could already tell what was coming.

“You!” Clint breathed, voice low and deadly, jabbing an accusing finger at Bucky’s chest.  Ryan smacked her palm to her face.  “How could you let this happen?!”

“The _fuck_ – “

“Whoa, hey!  What’s going on?”  Steve entered at a jog, concern in his eyes, but stopped short when Clint rounded on him.

“You, too!  What kind of people let their fiancée go her entire life _without eating pizza?!”_

“You’ve never had pizza?” Steve and Bucky said together, turning to Ryan with identical looks of surprise.

“Oh, my god, it’s not that big a deal!” Ryan said, laughing in earnest now.  “I didn’t even figure it out until a few years ago – “

“Figure what out?” Pepper’s voice called out, she and Tony exiting the elevator together.  She frowned at the impromptu gathering.  “Are we late for family dinner?”

“Tony!” Clint and Darcy yelled together, and he actually took a step back in surprise.  “You’ll never believe this – “

“ – an insult to your _people_ – “

“J?  Has the government been spiking crazy pills in the water again?” Tony asked, shooting a look of concern up to the ceiling.  “Cause I am not dealing with that mess a third time – “

“Ryan’s never had pizza!” several people shouted at once.

“WHAT?!”

Ryan dropped back into the armchair, defeated.  She glanced at the time on the TV screen, then muttered, “Three, two, one – “

“Friends!  For what occasion have we gathered?” Thor’s voice boomed out, and Ryan burst out laughing.  _Why does this keep happening?_

“Thor!  You’ve been on Earth, what?  Five years, on and off?” Clint exclaimed.

“Yes, ever since I was banished here, in the year 2011 by your timekeeping,” Thor answered, seeming to take the oddity in stride.  “Why do you – “

“How many times have you had pizza since you’ve been here?”

“A great number of times!  It is one of Earth’s finest inventions – “

“A great number of times!” Clint shouted, turning back to Ryan.  “The alien, who has only been here five years, has had pizza _a great number of times!”_

“It’s not that weird!” Ryan maintained, cheeks flushing with the scrutiny of ten pairs of eyes on her.  “Steve and Bucky had never had it before they woke up, and it definitely existed back then!”

“Both sets of our ancestors were Irish Catholics, you think we’d be caught dead eating Italian during the Depression?” Bucky countered, giving Steve an amused look.  “You’ve really never had it before?”

Ryan sighed in frustration.  “Okay, fine.  There’s a reason, though.”  Clint raised his eyebrows, and she cleared her throat.  “My dad was Latino, from near Guadalajara.  There’s a much higher rate of lactose intolerance down there, and he couldn’t have any dairy, but he really, _really_ loved cheese, even though it made him super sick.  So when I was a kid, I drank lactose-free milk and we never kept any cheese in the house, so he wouldn’t be tempted.  And pizza’s not exactly good for you, anyway, so – “

She cut off for a moment, laughing to herself.  “My mom – I didn’t even realize this until recently, which is kinda pathetic – she packed my lunch every day for school, so I never bought cafeteria food, cause it was crap for you, right?  But some Friday, it was pizza day, and I was stuck with a peanut butter sandwich and carrot sticks.  The pizza smelled wicked good, so I asked whatever kids I was sitting with if someone wanted to trade.  But, y’know, no one wants carrot sticks for pizza, so they said no.”

Everyone had taken a seat around her, the TV muted and ignored as she continued.  “So, I went home and asked my mom if we could have pizza for dinner.  This part’s great, oh man,” Ryan said, laughing again.  “For some reason, I remember this like it was yesterday – my mom looked me dead in the eye, straight-faced, and said, ‘You don’t like pizza.’  And I remember – I was, what, seven?  Seven-year-olds are idiots – I remember being like, ‘What?  I don’t?’ and she said, ‘Nope, none of us like pizza.’  And I just went with it!”

Everyone was chuckling appreciatively, Clint shaking his head in disbelief.  “I mean, I was a first grader, I trusted my mom!  So all the Fridays after, I just remembered that I didn’t like pizza.”  

Ryan paused a moment.  “Then, uh, a few years later… well.  You know.”

A foot nudged hers.  She met Steve’s eyes, compassion in his tiny smile.  He nodded, ever-so-slightly.  She could do it. 

“I thought I didn’t like it, so I never ate it with my foster families,” she continued quietly.  “And we didn’t have money for it in the girl’s home.”  She shrugged, looking down at her lap.  Nostalgia and worse twisted in her chest, but it didn’t hurt so bad anymore.  “My mom’s weakness was cheeseburgers and onion rings.  That was pretty much the only time I ever had cheese.”

She looked up again, giving everyone a small smile.  “Then, sometime back, I figured it all out, and realized I’d never actually had pizza.  After that, I kinda just wanted to see how long I could go without trying it.  Until Natasha gets back with it tonight, I’m assuming?” she asked, meeting Darcy’s eyes. 

“We never had pizza for family dinner until now?” Jane voiced, sounding incredulous.  “I swear we did – “

“No, we did, I just didn’t have any,” Ryan said, shrugging again.  At that, the elevator doors opened once again, revealing a tower of pizza boxes almost as tall as Natasha.

“Food’s on,” she announced, hefting about half the pile into her arms.  “Thor, you still like jalapeño and anchovy, right?”

“Nope, throw that garbage away,” Tony demanded, looking up from where he’d been furiously texting during Ryan’s story.  “Everybody up on the roof, let’s move it!”

“Wait, what?“

“The first pizza someone living under my roof has will not be the crap from Luigi’s around the corner!” Tony insisted, gesturing pointedly to the elevator. 

“Is there better pizza on the roof?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

“There’s better pizza in Naples, Italy,” Tony countered, “and the helicopter to the Starkjet will be here in two minutes, so haul some ass, people!”

Ryan’s jaw dropped.  “Tony, there’s perfectly good pizza right here – “

“And I’m hungry now!” Darcy interrupted, her whine only half-hearted as she jumped to her feet.

“It takes two hours to get where we’re going, because I am a genius, and Stark technology reflects that,” Tony retorted.  “This is worth it.”

“This is ridiculous!” Ryan said, laughing as she spoke.  Most everyone else had already stood up, shrugged at each other, and made their way into the elevator.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” Steve murmured, grasping her hand and pulling her up.  “It’ll be fun.”

“ _You’re_ on board with this?”

“We haven’t been to Italy in 75 years,” Bucky said, taking her other hand.  “Long as no one shoots at us this time, I’m good.”

Ryan just shook her head.  “You guys are all insane.”

Steve only smiled, the elevator door closing behind them.  Just before they reopened, he whispered in her ear, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

“Holy shit.  This is AMAZING!”

“Hell fucking yeah it is!”

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

_July 2 nd _

 

It was a rare Saturday that Ryan awoke with Steve still on her left.  Yellow light filtered lazily through the curtains, warming the soft white bedsheets that smelled like the three of them, together.  These were her favorite Saturdays.

A muffled sound on her right, an aborted shifting motion.  Bucky was never up before her.  She had work in a few hours, though, and she still had to come up with a birthday present for Steve, so her day had to start soon.  But, right now, she was faced with the conundrum of how exactly to climb out of bed over one of her fiancés without falling on her face. 

Steve lay between her and the bathroom, so she slowly sat up, shifting into a crouch.  Simple enough – reach over Steve, steady her hand on the bedside table, swing one leg over, and –

She knocked into a glass of water, spilling it everywhere.  She tried to catch the glass falling to the floor, but her hand slipped in the water, and with a small yelp, she landed face-first on Steve’s chest.

A soft _oof!_ beneath her, and Ryan panicked.  She scrambled upright, one hand slapping a wet print into Steve’s t-shirt as she pushed herself up.  To her chagrin, she found herself straddling his waist, both hands pressed into his chest, and she froze in surprise. 

Steve blinked once or twice, then grinned crookedly, starting to laugh.  “Well.  Good morning to you, too.”

Her cheeks burning, she ducked her head, squeezing her eyes shut.  “Oh my god – “

Strong hands grabbed her hips as she tried to climb off him, Steve chuckling low.  “Just where do you think you’re going?” he growled playfully, then surged up to kiss her.

Ryan gasped in surprise, and Steve took the opportunity to press into her mouth.  One hand grasped the back of her neck, and she happily melted against him.  Steve groaned, then flipped them, faster than a normal person should be able to, so Ryan lay on her back and he was propped on his elbows over her.

He paused a moment, meeting her eyes.  Ryan couldn’t hold back a smile as she nodded.   He grinned back, then darted up to kiss her forehead.  His lips met her cheeks, her nose, her jaw, even her eyelids when they fluttered closed.  He held himself up over her, carefully keeping their bodies from touching.  He scented so _happy_ , though, it was all she could do not to wrap herself around him and breathe him in all day.

“What exactly were you trying to do there?” he murmured, migrating down to her neck.  “Unless“ – _kiss_ – “you were trying to“ – _kiss_ – “wake me up in the best – possible – way.”

It took her a minute to string coherent words together with him nuzzling under her jaw.  “I – you were still asleep,” she managed, “I was trying to be quiet.”

Steve chuckled.  “Try being loud next time.  Might work out better.”

Ryan shoved at him fruitlessly, Steve not budging an inch as he laughed.  “You knew I was a klutz when you proposed,” she grumbled, “that’s why Bucky hid his knife collection.”

“He knows you don’t like them, that’s why.”  He paused, no sign of fatigue from holding himself up.  “I love you,” he said, voice suddenly serious, earnest.

She blinked in surprise.  Had she upset him?  “I know.  I love you, too,” she replied, brows furrowing.

It seemed to be the right answer.  Steve’s answering smile outshone the morning sun, and he finally kissed her again where she wanted.  Yeah.  Saturdays when Steve slept in were definitely her favorites.

After a moment, he pulled back again, eyes soft but smile mischievous.  “Wanna wake up Bucky?” he whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. 

She turned, and sure enough, he slept on to her right, head buried under the blankets.  A warm, tender feeling blossomed in her chest at the sight.  Slowly, carefully, she shifted out from under Steve and peeled back the comforter, Bucky’s face smooth and tranquil in rest.

She took a moment just to look at him.  Sometimes, despite what she’d just told Steve, she still couldn’t believe she was here.  Could do this.  That she could go from normal, everyday happiness to drowning in how much she loved them both.  Sometimes, it just overwhelmed her.

Steve touched her shoulder, caught her eye.  “You okay?”

Ryan nodded, treasuring the feeling for just a second longer.  She leaned over Bucky, bracing her hand on the mattress on his other side, and pressed her lips to his cheek.

Then, Steve swept her arm out from under her, and she fell with a thud on Bucky’s chest. 

He grunted in surprise, and Steve burst out laughing.  Ryan shot up, cheeks flaming as Bucky squinted in confusion, eyes bleary.

“You – gah!“  Words failing her, Ryan grabbed her pillow and whumped Steve over the head, Steve howling with laughter.

“The hell’s wrong with you two?” Bucky grumbled, flipping onto his stomach as Steve caught the pillow, pulling Ryan forward into another kiss.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

_July 3 rd_

 

_Thump!  Thump!  Thump!_

Steve instinctively yanked Ryan behind him as the elevator doors opened.  It was their turn to cook Sunday breakfast, and something was pounding on glass in the common kitchen.

Bucky ghosted forward, gone in a second.  A heartbeat’s pause, and then, “Jesus H – it’s fine, Stevie.”

Steve relaxed, releasing Ryan’s arms and shooting her an apologetic look when she rubbed away the red handprints.  “Shit, sorry, let me – “

“I’m okay.” The thumping continued as she brushed him off.  “I don’t bruise easy.”

“Sorry,” he said again, letting her go first.  She hurried into the kitchen after Bucky, Steve following as the thumping got louder.  Then, he stopped short.  “What the hell?”

Ryan gasped, then cried, “Oh my god!” before hurrying forward again.  In a flash, Bucky caught her waist, holding her back.

“Hey, don’t touch it, Jesus – what if it’s got rabies?”

“Birds can’t carry rabies, only mammals,” she insisted, wriggling in his grasp.  “Hey, let me go, please.” 

Bucky released her, and she padded forward more softly this time.  The pigeon kept smashing against the window over the breakfast nook, loosing a pained, desperate screech at the freedom just out of reach.  Steve had no clue how it got inside, but it seemed unable to retrace its steps.  Flaps?

Ryan stopped a foot away, extending a tentative hand, and Steve called out, “Wait, maybe we can use a box or something, don’t touch it – “

“I’ve got it.”  Ryan raised her other hand, then whispered, “It’s okay.  I’ve got you.”

Her hands lit a dim blue, and the bird froze in midair, even as its wings beat wildly.  Ryan kept one hand still, then used the other to gently stroke down the bird’s back.  Its flapping started to calm, a trilling coo loud in the quiet as Ryan pet its head.  “There you go,” she said cheerfully.  “Sorry you got stuck in here.  I want to feed you, but I shouldn’t, ‘cause then you’ll come back and get stuck again.  So I’m just gonna open this window and put you outside, okay?”

The window sprung open on its own as footsteps came into the kitchen.  Steve glanced over to see Clint, Bruce and Sam enter together, varying levels of confusion on each face.  He turned back to see Ryan sweep her left hand toward the window, the pigeon looking almost perturbed as it floated out into the air. 

“Go find some breakfast, okay?  Have a good day!” Ryan said, then lowered her hand.  The pigeon dropped like a stone.

Ryan shrieked, dashing forward.  “Flap your wings!  Flap your – oh, thank god.”  Bucky yelped, darting forward to grab her waist as she leaned out the window.  She called good-bye, and Bucky pulled her back inside, pointedly slamming the window shut. 

“He’s okay,” Ryan announced, grinning wide at the sudden audience.  “I think he was just confused from smashing into the window.”

“That’ll do it,” Sam said, he and Clint stifling giggles as they went to sit at the island counter. 

Bruce shook his head and smiled, setting down his newspaper to fill the coffeepot.  “Stop it, you two.”

“What?” Ryan asked, brows furrowing.

“Nothing, it’s just – you found a flying garbage rat trying to kill itself in our house, and you told it to have a good day,” Sam answered, cracking up again.  “You realize your future mate’s a Disney princess, right?” he directed at Bucky.  He scowled in response, tightening his arms around Ryan’s waist.

“Stop it,” Bruce said again, raising an eyebrow.  “Ryan was being nice.”

“You’d have rescued it if it was a falcon,” Steve added, searching in the refrigerator for eggs.

Sam scoffed, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl.  “Falcons are majestic, intelligent predators, not disease-carrying, trash-eating dumpster birds.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Ryan said mildly, pushing away from Bucky to stir the bowl of batter Steve handed her.  “I got those apples from the dumpster behind the Whole Foods at Columbus Circle.”

Sam choked on his swallow, and Clint thumped him on the back, guffawing with laughter.  “Very funny,” Sam rasped, eyes streaming as he glared at her.

“No, she did,” Steve piped up, flipping the first set of pancakes.  He grinned at Sam and Clint’s shocked expressions.  “I helped.  Hadn’t been dumpster diving since 1938.”

He heard Bucky come up behind him, reach for the coffeepot.  “We went dumpster diving?” he asked, just above a murmur.  “I don’t remember.”

Steve quickly turned to him, laying his hand over Bucky’s on his mug.  “A few times that I remember,” he whispered back.  “I’ll tell you about ‘em later, if you want.”

Bucky nodded, and Steve kissed his cheek.  Bucky half-smiled, then raised an eyebrow.  “But, by all means, oh majestic bird-man,” he said, turning back to Sam, “if you’re too high-and-mighty for it, we lowly superhumans will gladly eat the garbage fruit, no problem – “

“Alright, alright, my bad.”  Sam took a pointed bite, wiping juice off his chin.  “A garbage apple a day keeps the pigeons away.”

“Hey, I like pigeons,” Ryan said, setting down the first tray of pancakes and jumping out of Clint’s way.  “I always wanted to be able to fly.”

Steve stopped short in surprise.  Everyone else did, too, Ryan’s cheeks coloring pink as she looked at them in bewilderment.  “What?”

“Nothing,” Bruce said after a moment, setting the _Times_ back down.  “It’s just surprising, I guess, to hear that you… well.  Dreamed of having superpowers.”

Ryan’s cheeks colored further, and Bruce quickly added, “Not that it’s unusual.  Just, you already had them.”

“Yeah, well.”  Ryan fidgeted a little, and Bucky quickly grabbed the knife she was reaching for, giving her a stern look before taking over chopping the pineapple.  She rolled her eyes, then continued, “Lots of people dream about flying.  I kinda hoped it actually might happen, but.  Not in the cards, I guess.”

Clint suddenly paused, the bite of pancake halfway to his mouth steadily dripping syrup on his pants.  “Wait.  What’re you talking about?  Of course you can fly.”

Everyone stopped short again, all eyes on Clint this time.  He shrugged, putting down his fork.  “Well, you can!  I mean, even if you can’t just lift yourself, you can move stuff, right?  So – put on a pair of sturdy shoes, maybe some gloves, and… move them.  It’s just like how Tony does it, kind of.”

Ryan gaped at him.  “I – would that work?” she breathed, looking to Bucky, then Steve.

Steve shrugged, a smile spreading over his face.  “Only one way to find out.”

A minute later, Steve finished lacing up a pair of Natasha’s combat boots on Ryan’s feet.  Everyone else had come down for breakfast by now, circling around in barely-contained excitement, and Ryan’s hands were shaking too much to do it herself.  “ _You got this,_ ” he breathed in her ear as he straightened up, using just a shade of Alpha voice to help calm her down. 

Ryan looked a little pale, but nodded.  She hopped down from the counter, wiping her palms on her pajama pants.  “Okay, okay, great.  So, I just…”

“Maybe try taking a step first, instead of lifting?” Bruce suggested.  “Imagine going up onto a staircase, or something.”

Ryan nodded again, moving into the middle of the impromptu circle.  She took a deep breath, and lifted her left foot a few inches in the air.  Then, squeezing her eyes shut, she lifted her right, stepping up onto nothingness.

Darcy shrieked in excitement, and Ryan’s eyes flew open as she flung out her arms, starting to fall backwards.  Steve and Bucky lunged forward, catching her upper body and holding her upright as everyone cheered.

“Whoa!  Hey,” Bucky said quickly, eyes sparkling.  “Don’t worry, we’ve got you.”

“I’m…” Ryan gasped, glancing down before meeting Steve’s eyes, tears leaking out the corners.  They were at a level height, Ryan’s feet a few inches above his and Bucky’s.  “Oh my god, oh my god – am I flying?  Does this count?!”

“Yeah,” Steve grinned, heart soaring alongside her, “you’re flying, sweetheart.”

Ryan made a squeaking noise, gripping Steve’s arm so tight it actually hurt.  “Oh my g – holy shit, oh my god!”  She clung to him and Bucky, half-laughing and half-sobbing.  “H-how do I get back down?”

Bucky chuckled softly, a few tears of his own falling.  “Just step down again.  We’ve got you.”

Ryan’s grip tightened a second, her eyes screwing shut again.  Then, gritting her teeth, she hopped down to the ground, landing with a solid thump.

Instantly, Darcy and Jane darted forward, Darcy shrieking “so fucking cool, you can fucking _fly!_ ” as Jane babbled about their next practice session, physics equations and hypotheses tumbling out one after another.  Tony and Bruce were already deep in discussion about which light-weight metal alloys to use as boot and glove linings over their bowls of blueberries.  Natasha was apparently rewarding Clint for his good idea, the pair making out rather aggressively in the corner next to the coffee pot.

“Jesus, Steve,” Bucky murmured, sounding almost in awe.  Steve blindly wound an arm across his waist, still transfixed at Ryan’s elated grin.  “She’s something else.”

“She sure is.”  An idea popped into his mind then, and he grinned again.  “Y’know, with a little practice… she could make anyone fly.”

Bucky turned sharply to look at him.  “Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Steve.”

“Aw, c’mon,” Steve said, smirking.  “It’ll be fun.”

“I swear to Jesus, Mary and Joseph, if you get yourself stuck up a tree I will leave your sorry ass – “

“Why would I go flying in trees?  Jumping out of planes sounds much more fun.”

“Like you need an excuse to do more of that, fucking Christ – “

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

_July 4 th _

 

This time, it was Ryan who awoke to lips caressing her cheek.  Her eyes fluttered open, Bucky’s fresh, wonderful scent filling her lungs. 

“ _Maidin mhaith_ , _ghrá mo chroí_ ,” he whispered, kissing her temple.  A finger pressed across her lips as she opened her mouth.  “Quiet, now.  I need Steve still asleep.”

She nodded, and he removed his hand.  “You’re never up early,” she murmured in confusion. 

“We’ve got a… birthday tradition. I wake him up special every year.”

He kissed the shell of her ear, scenting at her hair.  “You can stay and watch, if you want.  He’d like it,” he said, grinning almost mischievously.  “I know we decided to wait, though, so if you wanna leave, it won’t take too long.”

His grin widened as her cheeks turned pink.  “I’d like it, too.  If you stayed.”

Oh, lord.  She wanted to stay.  “It’s not… weird?” she barely breathed.

“You’ll need pointers for next year, won’t you?”  Bucky kissed her on the lips this time, slow and leisurely.  Then, he whispered, “Just watch from this side.  He looks so pretty, you’ll see.”

With that, he slithered under the covers, bed barely jostling at all, somehow.  Ryan found herself holding her breath as his shape settled at Steve’s legs, only the sound of rustling cloth as Steve lay unawares.

At first, Steve didn’t move.  Then, he sighed, head lolling to the side and lips parting.  A few heavier breaths, and his eyes fluttered open as a sweet, deep groan came from his chest. 

“Shit, Buck,” he breathed, one hand reaching under the covers.  His eyes squeezed shut again, mouth dropping open as he started to pant.  Then, with a sharp hiss, he _moaned_.

Heat rippled down Ryan’s spine, pooling in her gut.  She shifted, just a little, and Steve’s eyes flew back open, meeting hers.

He inhaled sharply, surprise turning to a dark, intense gaze.  His eyes darted back down to the Bucky-shape between his legs, then back to hers.  He bit his lower lip, then slowly rolled his hips. 

Ryan’s breath hitched.  Steve did it again, eyes never leaving hers, chest heaving. 

“Like what you see?” he growled, practically a purr.  “Should take a peek at Buck.  So pretty like this, aren’t you?” he directed downwards, breath gasping out as Bucky’s form twisted under the covers.

 “Yeah, yeah, like that – _Dia, tá tú foirfe, mo anamchara – “_  His words dissolved into Gaelic, too fast for Ryan to pick anything out.  His eyes slipped shut again.

Then, his breath hitched and hips stuttered upwards, Bucky’s name punching out of his lungs as his mouth fell open.  He panted for a few moments, a beatific look on his face.  Bucky’s form shifted under the covers, and Ryan heard a low, deep chuckle before he suddenly popped back up by the headboard in between them.

“Hot under there,” he said casually, a stark contrast to his reddened lips and glittering eyes.  Steve growled, then launched himself at Bucky, flattening him to the mattress.  He crushed their lips together, and Bucky whined, scrabbling at Steve’s back to pull him closer. 

Ryan’s breath was coming rather quick now, too.  They’d both been right.  They were _beautiful_ , moving together like they were made for it.  For each other. 

Bucky whined again as Steve pulled back, and Steve silenced him with another kiss.  Then, he turned to Ryan, eyes dark and cheeks flushed red. 

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed, and Ryan nodded eagerly.  The next second, he was on top of her, pressing into her mouth like he needed her to breathe.  He tasted vaguely salty, his scent heady and thick.  It mixed perfectly with Bucky’s, and she pulled back to gasp for air, breathing them both in.

“God,” Bucky rasped next to them.  He sounded wrecked.  “Fuck.”

“Soon,” Steve rumbled, scenting deeply at Ryan’s neck, then at Bucky’s.  “Few more weeks.”

Ryan and Bucky groaned in frustration together.  Steve chuckled, then settled in between them, mattress dipping and tumbling them together.  He paused, then sat up to strip off his t-shirt, chest flushed pink and pure Alpha scent intensifying wonderfully.  He laid back down, then pulled them both to him, pressed up along either side.

“ _Go back to sleep_ ,” he murmured, Alpha voice rippling in the undertone.  Waves of calm poured through her, and she melted against him, head pillowed on his chest.  Bucky moaned softly, reaching across Steve’s torso to take Ryan’s hand.  “ _I’ll watch over you_.”

Gentle fingers stroked along the back of her neck, and she fell asleep instantly.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

“Oh, no,” Ryan groaned.  “Both of your birthday presents are way better than mine!”

Bucky grinned devilishly, holding out a blaster.  “Don’t worry.  You can be on my team.”

“Oh, no,” Ryan repeated, backing away quickly.  “I’ll just watch with Bruce, really, I don’t think – “

She jumped as someone quickly slid a vest over her from behind, buckles clicked in place before she could protest.  “Relax.  We’ll keep you safe,” Natasha said with a smirk.  “Just keep quiet.”

“A-Alright, everybody ready?” a terrified-looking teenager squeaked.  He wrung his hands together, fidgeting with a name tag reading _Lazer Craze Fun Zone: Justin C_.  “So, um, the rules – d-don’t climb the structures, no horseplay, no double-tags – “

“Son,” Steve interrupted, smile deadly.  “We’re not gonna follow those rules.”

“Okay, yeah, no, that’s fine,” Jason stammered, “you’re the Avengers, I mean, pfft – j-just have fun, then!” 

Bucky and Nat were conversing in low, rapid-fire Russian.  Steve and Sam muttered together across the waiting room, and Ryan distinctly caught the phrases “tac advantage” and “soup sandwich”, whatever the hell that meant.

“I’m definitely gonna get picked last,” Jane said mournfully, picking up her laser gun with an uneasy look. 

Darcy shrugged. “Maybe we’ll play capture-the-flag style, and you and I’ll be the flags. Also, can they make this vest a little tighter over my boobs, please?  Good lord.”

“Wait, can I be a flag?  Is that a thing?” Ryan piped up. 

Darcy’s answer was cut off by Steve calling out, “Line up!”

A minute later, the teams split off: Ryan, Bucky, Natasha, Darcy, and Tony on one side, and Steve, Sam, Clint, Thor, and Jane (who Thor had insisted be picked along with him) on the other.  Bruce and Pepper already sat in a viewing room overlooking the arena.

“Rule number one,” Natasha ordered in a low growl.  “Darcy, if you scream and give away our position, we sacrifice you to the enemy.  Ryan, you too.”

“Rule number two,” Bucky added, “you do everything we say, as soon as we say it.  That means you, Stark.”

Tony looked up from where he’d been fiddling with his equipment, looking affronted.  “Excuse you, I am – “

“ – the rear guard and last line of defense,” Natasha interrupted, cutting him off with a deadly glare.  Tony’s jaw snapped shut, and she smiled.  “Ryan, you’re with me.  Bucky will cover us.  Darcy, you’re the flag.”

_“Yes!”_

“Wait, can’t I be the flag?”

A loud buzzer sounded, and the doors at the end of the hall opened with a whoosh.  Darcy screamed, and Natasha face-palmed.

In the end, it was a 7-7 tie, and Ryan only screamed six times.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

Ryan took a deep breath, then held out the lumpy-looking package.  “It sucks compared to Bucky’s, but it’s all I could think of.  And it’s kinda for both of you, actually.”

Steve smiled as he took it, kissing her on the cheek.  A breeze blew her hair back, smelling of fresh air and lake water.  She didn’t know where they were, but the sun setting over the dock where they sat, feet splashing in warm water, was even prettier than on the roof of the Tower.

“It’s a quiet lake,” Bucky had murmured to her earlier when they first arrived, picnic baskets in hand.  “No fireworks here, per town’s ordinance.  We came here last year, too.”

Now, Steve peeled away the newspaper, eyebrows raised in surprise.  “Did I miss an inside joke?” he asked, frowning slightly at the pile of old, beaten-up spiral notebooks.

“Open them,” Ryan said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

She heard him turn the first page, then inhale sharply.  “Ryan – “

“I wrote down everything I could remember,” she interrupted, hugging her legs to her chest.  “For years.  Until I couldn’t remember anything else.  I ran out of stuff to write.”

She sniffed once.  “I saw that you liked it, when I talked about them the other day.  It’s hard to talk, still, but.  This is all I have of them.”

Steve made a strangled sound, and suddenly she was in his arms, pressed into the crook of his neck.  “Thank you,” he breathed, “thank you so much, _ghrá mo chroí_.  _Is breá liom tú_.”

She clung to him, trying for the life of her to remember the correct response.  Her Gaelic still sucked, though.  “ _Yo también,”_ she compromised, and Steve chuckled, vibrations rumbling in her chest.

Beside them, she heard Bucky flip open another notebook and begin to read.  Steve put an arm around his shoulders, and Ryan closed her eyes. She could get used to weeks like this.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky: Good morning, love of my heart.  
> Steve: God, you're perfect, my soulmate -   
> Steve: love of my heart, I love you - 
> 
> P.S. I'm thinking about changing the way I do translations? Would putting them in the text itself instead of doing the hover-over thing be better?? It'd look something like this:
> 
> "Maidin mhaith, ghrá mo chroí." _[Good morning, love of my heart.]_


	4. In Which The Trio has their Second Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took forever to update! Lots of emotion I've been experiencing and seeing from lots of different people went into this chapter. Enjoy <3
> 
> Hover over or go to the end for translations.

**July 21 st (after the proposal)**

 

 

_“_ _Friends, delegates and fellow Americans: I humbly and gratefully accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.”_

_Crack!_

Ryan jumped off the couch as it crumpled inwards, the backrest split in two.  Bucky shot her an apologetic look, shaking wood splinters out of his metal hand.  Steve didn’t notice as he stomped back and forth, already reached pacing levels of fury.

_“…It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation.  I will present the facts plainly and honestly.  We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore!”_

“You’re a fucking billionaire, you can afford to show some respect!”

“Hush, Steve,” Bucky muttered, eyes fixed on the TV.  Ryan could barely stand to look at it, and watched Steve gesture angrily in midair instead. 

The apartment door opened.  Natasha raised an eyebrow at the broken couch, then silently sat on the floor, Clint’s left hand in her right.  Darcy pulled Ryan into a hug.

“You okay?”

Ryan shrugged.  She didn’t really feel like talking.

_“The number of new illegal immigrant families who have crossed the border so far this year already exceeds the entire total from 2015. They are being released by the tens of thousands into our communities with no regard for the impact on public safety or resources!”_

Darcy squeezed her a little tighter, then to Ryan’s surprise, guided her down to the floor next to Natasha.  Nat put an arm across her shoulders, pillowing Ryan’s head on her breasts.  She wasn’t Steve, not even close; but her Alpha scent was still comforting, like the first sip of tea on a cold morning.

“ _Vse budet khorosho, ryzhiyka_ ,” she murmured as Darcy leaned into Ryan’s other side.  “ _Tam bylo khuzhe_.”

“ _Ne zdes'_ ,” Bucky said.  Ryan looked up, but he was still staring, cold and still, at the screen.  “ _Nе tak_.”

_“Nearly four in 10 African-American children are living in poverty, while 58% of African-American youth are not employed.”_

“That lying sack of Cheet-o dust,” Sam huffed, closing the door behind him.  He dodged Steve’s pacing to glare at the TV.  “That’s complete bull.  You wanna talk about my people, what about police brutality?!”

Clint held out his free arm, and Sam settled under it, mouth twisted into a frown instead of its usual smile.  Steve’s footsteps didn’t stop.

_“This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and_ weakness! _”_

Ryan’s eyes flew back open, Natasha’s hand pausing its trail through her hair.  Steve stopped in his tracks.  He looked stunned. 

“I do not trust that man,” Thor pronounced, Jane closing the door behind them.  “He has no compassion, and his lust for power appears unrivaled even in your complex political system.”

No one answered him.  Ryan closed her eyes again.  What was there even to say?

_“The most important difference between our plan and that of our opponents, is that our plan will put America First._ Americanism _, not globalism, will be our credo… Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it… ”_

Build the wall, destroy Obamacare.  Abolish sanctuary cities, ban refugees from the Middle East.  Horrible as it was, Ryan thought, it was practically white noise at this point.  The news hadn't stopped covering him for months.

“ _…stronger protection against enhanced threats.  Aliens come to our planet – sometimes hiding for decades, some are even born here – and think we’ll roll over and give up.  We won’t let_ anything _with unnatural abilities terrorize us ever again!”_

Ryan gasped, all the blood draining from her face.  That was new.

A ferocious growl ripped through the air.  Steve’s wrath scented like charcoal and fire, his teeth actually bared at the TV screen.  He opened his mouth, and Thor grabbed his arm, hard enough to bruise.

“That’s enough, Captain,” he said, quiet but commanding.  He glanced behind them, and Ryan followed his look to see Bruce, apparently having come in at exactly the wrong moment.  His hands were shaking, his chest heaving, his eyes -

Ryan’s stomach plummeted.  They were shining bright green.

She made to stand up, freeing one hand, but Natasha’s arm tightened around her, and Ryan felt her head shake ever so slightly.  Everyone stared at Bruce, holding their breath, the TV entirely forgotten.   

Bruce’s eyes dropped shut.  He took a long, deep breath, and the shaking in his hands calmed a little.  After a minute, the thick, choking scent of fear started to lessen.

Ryan exhaled, then gently pushed away from Natasha again.  If Bruce heard her approach, he didn’t show it.  She paused, giving him a chance to object, then wrapped him in her arms and tugged him close.

Bruce exhaled raggedly, leaning into her.  She could actually feel his heart thumping in his chest, too hard, too strong.  She drew her hand up and down his back, breathing slow and even.  After a moment, he started to match it. 

When she couldn’t feel his heartbeat anymore, she pulled back.  His eyes were brown, like they were supposed to be, but the resignation behind the tears broke her heart.

“I think I’d like to be alone now,” he murmured, ducking his head.  He touched her arm, briefly, then turned and left.

As soon as the door closed, Steve straightened up.  “JARVIS, monitor him, please.  Inform Ryan if he needs any help, and be listening if she needs to call for backup.”  He glanced at her, and she nodded quickly.  Then, he turned to the room at large. 

Cheers and shouts still sounded from the TV, confetti raining down on the screen.  Steve blocked it from view, eyes dark as a thundercloud.  “We need to do something.”

Ryan saw Bucky and Natasha glance at each other, faces carefully blank, and a nervous thrill went down her spine.  She didn’t like that look. 

Sam raised an eyebrow at them both, too.  “When you say ‘something’, you mean…?”

“An official statement as the Avengers, for starters.  I don’t care which candidate you support, but we all agree that that man cannot be president, correct?” 

“Fuck no,” Darcy said, and everyone nodded. 

“Good.  We denounce him and his message as a team, that sends a big statement.  There are protests at all of his rallies, if we show up in person we can – “

“Steve,” Ryan whispered, and he paused, looking to her.  She hugged her arms to her chest, dropping her eyes.  “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“Um, what?” Darcy said, sounding scandalized.  “That enormous douche just talked all that shit about you, Steve and Bucky, Thor, Bruce – “

“I agree with Ryan,” Thor inserted.  He straightened up and drew back his shoulders, a deep contemplation in his eyes.  In that moment, he looked every inch the centuries-old crown prince he was.  “I, as an Asgardian royal and foreigner here, cannot outright protest your government.  It will be viewed as a threat.  Furthermore, the Avengers are an apolitical entity, at least regarding the idea of partisanship.  Was fighting to save all not the original intention?”

Steve jabbed a finger back at the TV screen.  “Real lives are at stake because of that man.  People are trying to fight back, and they’re not fucking listening!  That’s what the Avengers were made for.  We got no right to do anything less.”

“Steve’s right,” Jane piped up, looking up at her mate.  “That idiot’s anti-science, anti-women, anti-Muslim – “

“Anti-unpresented!” Darcy added, raising her eyebrows at Ryan.  “His vice-douche is almost as bad as he is – “

“Wait,” Clint said, frowning.  “What could he do against the unpresented?  That act from, like, two decades ago – “

“Doesn’t outlaw conversion therapy,” Ryan said shortly.  Clint blanched, shock widening his eyes, and the whole room went silent.  “Pence supports it.  But even so, what happens if you guys campaign against him and he wins?”

“He’s not gonna win, there’s no way – “

“And even if he does, we deal with it then,” Steve inserted.  Ryan dropped her eyes again as Darcy, Nat and Clint started to mutter to each other.  She didn’t like the way Steve was staring at her.  He looked almost… betrayed.  “If we just sit back and let this happen, then we’re supporting that monster – “

“Someone’s gotta help,” Sam said, just louder than Jane and Thor's debate in the background.  “We have the ability, it’s our responsibility.  It’s on us.”

“No, it’s not!” Ryan protested.  “None of you guys asked for this!  If you join the protests, you’re gonna alienate huge groups of people, and if he wins, then you’re the guys _with superpowers_ that stood against the government!  You think they’re just gonna let that slide?”

“This isn’t about us!” Steve half-shouted, gesturing widely at the room.  “This isn’t about the Avengers or politics or optics, it’s – “

“It’s about me!  What he just said, it’s about _me!_ ”

The room fell deadly silent, all eyes going to her.  “They’re not gonna lock _you_ up, Steve!  But if anyone ever finds out about me now, I’m gone!”

“Like _hell_ ,” Bucky suddenly snarled.  “Anyone wants you, they go through all of us first.”

“That’s the point!” Ryan said, throwing her hands in the air.  “The second this starts to go sideways, the Avengers get torn apart, and what then?  Everything good we have is just – gone!  You want to risk everything for this?” 

“It’s the right thing to do,” Steve said, his eyes boring into her.  He crossed his arms in front of his chest, squaring his shoulders.  “We can do this and protect our own.  And if we don’t stand up for the little guy, then we’re not the team I thought we were.”

Silence met his pronouncement.  Ryan couldn’t stand still any longer, and she tore out the door without another word.  No one tried to stop her.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

_“Ryan, when you get this, please come home.  We need to talk.”_

She shoved her phone in her pocket before entering the sanctuary.  Fourteen times she'd listened to the message now - _fourteen, Jesus, you're pathetic_ \- and she still wanted to throw up at the end.  That was probably why Ms. Palermo had sent her off an hour early, saying she looked like she could use a break and a drink.  God, that woman was a saint for putting up with her.  She’d have to enlist Darcy to help bake cookies as a thank-you.

Steve knew she had plans for after work today, though.  If they let her avoid her fiancés breaking up with her for an extra few hours, she’d gladly be a coward a little longer.

“Ryan,” Father Lantom greeted, entering from the kitchen in the back.  The cathedral was mostly quiet, only the echoes of choir practice humming from downstairs.  He gestured to the front pew, and they sat together.  “You’re early today.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Palermo made me leave early, I can come back later – “

“Now is just fine,” he interrupted, smiling serenely.  “How are you doing today?  Ah – ” he held up a disapproving finger, a twinkle in his eye – “it’s a sin to lie, my child, especially to a priest.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“I take confession for a living,” he said, smirking a little.  “I know when something is haunting the soul, and when someone tries to hide it.”

She sighed, hugging her backpack to her chest.  “I don’t know what to do.”

He nodded slowly, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening.  “I was troubled for you and yours as I watched last night.”

“Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the mind-reader,” Ryan said, trying and failing to smile.

“An educated guess.  As I said, I read people well.”  He studied her for a moment longer.  “What exactly you’re torn between, though, I can’t say.”

Ryan sat quiet for a long time before she answered.  “I can do… too much.  I – “

She paused, searching around to check the sanctuary before continuing.  No one was there, but she lowered her voice to a whisper anyway.  “His appearances are online.  I could stop him with – a sentence, a word.  I could make him drop out, I – I could do so much worse.  It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong, but – “

“ – where does the line lie?” Lantom finished.  He nodded again, corner of his eyes crinkling as he smiled, small and close-lipped.  “You see people in pain, and you don’t know how to fix it.”

“Steve wants the Avengers to take sides in this,” Ryan whispered, low and desperate.  “What happens when they do?  They’re supposed to be for everyone, they’ll make enemies out of tons of people in the government.  And if they don’t, then everyone else will hate them for staying out of it!”  She blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath.  “If he wins and I get exposed, I’m screwed.  Steve and Bucky and the others are screwed for hiding me, and I know it’s selfish and horrible to worry about that when others are in real trouble, but – “

He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing.  “Have you talked with your fiancés about this?”

Ryan closed her eyes.  “We sorta fought about it last night.  And now they both think I’m a huge coward.”

“I would hope they know better than that, or their memory is notoriously short,” Lantom noted with a wry smile.  “There is no perfect answer here, Ryan.  What’s right for either of them may not be right for you.” 

“We’re supposed to work together.  They asked me to be their mate, I’m supposed to support them – “

“And they’re meant to do the same,” he said sternly.  He paused, and she opened her eyes, blinking to clear them.  Father Lantom was looking towards the altar, eyes lifted to the crucifix on the wall above it.  “Loving your neighbor takes many forms.  But doing so is more important than any politics could ever be.”

The sanctuary doors opened then, a throng of kids hurrying up the stairs and shedding their white choir robes, laughs and shouts echoing in the quiet.  Ryan watched them run out into the heat to waiting parents, a small smile spreading across her face.  With any luck, they were all safe.  All normal.

“In the end, you only have to answer to yourself and our Lord,” Lantom said quietly.  “The rest is entirely up to you.”

Ryan sighed through her nose.  “That doesn’t make it easier.”

“It shouldn’t.”  With that, Father Lantom stood up, stretching out his neck.  “I think it’s high time for some tea with our theology, don’t you?”

Just as Ryan made to stand, the doors opened again.  She glanced back, and her stomach did an painful sort of flip-flop. 

Bucky walked silently between the pews, eyes straight ahead and baseball cap in hand.  He stopped at the foot of the altar, gazing up, then dropped gracefully to one knee, crossing himself with his right hand.  When he’d finished, he straightened up and looked to Ryan.

“Hi,” she murmured, putting on her backpack for something to do.

“Hi.”  He bowed his head toward Father Lantom.  “Father.”

Father Lantom smiled, nodding back.  “Would you care for some tea, my son?  Ryan and I were about to brew a rather adventurous pot of Oolong.”

“Thank you, Father, but no.  I was hoping to talk to Ryan, if you two are finished,” he said.  Ryan furrowed her brows a little.  Bucky was polite, of course, but not that polite.

Lantom looked to her, and she nodded.  “I’ll save the leaves for next Friday, then?”

“Friday.”  She managed a small smile, then started back up the aisle, Bucky silent on her left. 

As soon as they were outside, Ryan saw Bucky’s shoulders relax, a hand run through his hair before replacing his hat.  “Do churches make you nervous?”

“Priests,” he admitted, looking a little sheepish.  He started down the street towards the Tower, and Ryan followed.  “Terrified of ‘em when I was little.  The old Father at St. Matthew’s had me convinced I was going straight to hell.  The nuns didn’t help.”

“Father Lantom’s really nice.  And you didn’t have to come get me.”

“You didn’t come home last night.  We were worried.”

Ryan swallowed back the burning in her throat.  _Ten seconds of bravery._   “I was just downstairs.  I didn’t think you’d want me there.”

Bucky stopped short, and Ryan turned back to him.  Under the brim of the cap, his eyes narrowed.  Then he grabbed Ryan’s wrist and yanked her off the sidewalk and into an alleyway.

“Bucky, hey, Bucky, what’re you do – mmph!”

She was cut off by lips crashing to her own, Bucky’s free hand grasping the back of her neck and pulling them together.  She shuddered, and he deepened the kiss with a low growl, pushing them into the brick wall behind them.  Ryan froze for a moment, then surrendered to it.  She’d missed him.          

After a few seconds, he pulled back, breathing hard.  “What else are we supposed to do?” he said, gripping her shoulders.  “Just tell me, we’ll do it.”

“What – “

He grabbed her left hand, holding it up so the band of diamonds glinted in the sunlight.  “Was this not enough?”

“Of _course_ it – “

“Then why do you _always_ do this?” he half-shouted, dropping her hand and stepping back.  “Run away, shut us out, like you think we’re just waiting for an excuse to kick you to the curb, so you might as well get out while you’re ahead!”

“That’s not – !”

“Yeah, it fucking is!  After everything, you still don't trust us!”  He threw his hands in the air, turning around.  "You seriously don't see it?  Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I just - "

"Just what?  Tell me!"

She yelled in frustration, the sound bouncing off the brick walls.  "If you'd quit interrupting me for two fucking seconds, maybe I will!"

Bucky glared at her, and she glared back.  "Anytime, sweetheart," he spat, and the familiar nickname felt like a stab in the chest.

"I don't trust _me_!" she shouted.  "I see me way better than you do, and it's not pretty.  But guess what, Buck?  This is me!"  She threw out her arms as he stared at her, lips parting.   "A huge fucking coward that runs away instead of dealing with her shit!  I get that about me now, and I don't understand why you don't!"

He didn't say anything, and she shrugged, tossing her hands in the air.  "Everyone else gets it, Darcy, Jane, Tony -- Pamela gets it!  She's gonna yell at me for running instead of talking when we talk tomorrow afternoon, and I'm gonna feel like shit about it, and I'm probably gonna cry 'cause I'm a huge wimp, too!  That's the girl you gave this to!" she said, waving her left hand at him.  "So just - I'm eighteen kinds of crazy and messed-up, and yeah, I guess I'm still waiting for you to notice.  Steve finally did last night, and that's why I ran away, okay?"

Bucky blinked.  "What do you mean, Steve finally noticed?" he said, voice quieter now.

Ryan folded her arms across her chest.  "You saw the way he looked at me."

To her surprise, Bucky groaned, wiping a hand across his face.  "Pam's gonna kill me."

"Why?"

"Cause I've felt the exact same way you're feeling, and now I'm jumping to conclusions and being a judgmental asshole about it."  His eyes met hers, anger exhausted to apology.  "I'm sorry.  I was way out of line."

"It's fine," Ryan mumbled, dropping her eyes. 

He took a careful step closer, holding out one hand.  She hesitated, then took it.  "No, it's not.  I -- I've done all this, too," he said, eyes dropping shut.  "And now I get how I was affecting Steve, and I'm not dealing with it right at all."

Ryan didn't say anything, and he opened his eyes again.  "You know how many times Steve's looked at me like that?" he said softly.  "Hurts like hell, I get it.  But he still loves you.  A lot more than you realize, apparently."

She shook her head, resignation weighing on her bones.  "Why?" she muttered.  "He's the bravest person I know, and I'm a coward.  Why would he?"

"It's love, sweetheart," Bucky whispered.  "Not supposed to always make sense."  He sighed, looking back out to the sidewalk.  No one had even given them a second glance.  That was New York for you.  "All three of us fucked up pretty bad this time.  But we're still a team, right?  We promised each other." 

He lifted her hand, pressing a gentle kiss to the ring on her finger.  "Can we try to fix it?"

"I've been trying to fix me for a while now," she muttered.  "Obviously it's not going so well."

"You're not a machine, you don't need fixing," Bucky murmured.  He said it like a mantra, well-worn but still meaningful.  "You're a person, you need loving."

Warmth flooded through her chest, and she couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck.  He held her close, one arm across her waist and one cradling her head.

Eventually, he pulled back to kiss her forehead, lips lingering against her skin.  "C'mon, sweetheart.  Let's go home."

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

Ryan paused in front of their door.  "Can I talk to him alone first, please?"

"Whatever you need."  He kissed her cheek, then stepped back.  "I'll be in the gym.  Are we still watching _Chopped_ tonight?"

"Long as we watch _Bob's Burgers_ after," she said, trying her best to smile.  Bucky's eyes softened, and he caught her left hand, bringing it up to eye level.

"We're a team," he promised.  "No matter what."  With that, he kissed her forehead one last time and left.

Ryan watched him go, then looked back to the door.  Steve wanted to talk.  No, they needed to talk -- that's what he'd said.  _We need to talk_.  The infamous start to every breakup known to mankind. 

She slumped against the wall, staring at the doorknob.  What the hell was wrong with her?  She knew better than this.  How many times had she and Pamela been over it?  Avoiding your issues doesn't work, talk through your problems, fighting every once in a while is normal, your emotions are valid.  You're not a freak for having different abilities than other people, and calling yourself one won't help anything.

_Yeah, well, the possible future president is calling me one now_ , Ryan argued back.  _Going up against the government one time was more than enough.  And he wants to bring back torture!_  

_So, your plan was to agree with him and run away from the problem instead of facing it.  How's that working out for you?_

Ryan growled in frustration, throwing her hands in the air.  "Alright, I get it!"

The apartment door opened, and Ryan jumped about a foot in the air.  Steve gave her a concerned look, glancing up the empty hall.  "Is everything okay?"

Ryan closed her eyes, cheeks blazing red.  "Yeah, I -- yeah.  I was… preemptively arguing with Pamela."

Steve cleared his throat, and Ryan dared to glance up at him.  He was failing to hide a smile, face contorted with the effort.  Their eyes met, and they burst out laughing, echoing off the walls and bouncing up the hallway.

After a minute, Steve shook his head, still snickering.  "Practice makes perfect, I guess."

"Yeah, well," Ryan said, wiping away tears of mirth.  "Maybe one of these days I'll actually win."

Steve's grin faded a little.  "So.  Could we talk now?"

Ryan's smile fully disappeared, but she nodded anyway.  Steve held the door open, and she dropped her backpack to its spot on the doormat, right between Steve's shield and the umbrella stand.  It still made her smile sometimes, seeing the world-famous symbol of legend propped up next to Bucky's nasty-smelling running shoes.  But, she'd seen Thor hang his magic lightning hammer on a coat rack and Clint forget his bow and arrows on the kitchen counter.  Tony was the only one ostentatious enough to keep his trademark showcased under spotlights.

Steve's hand closed over the edge of the shield, and she looked back to him.  He was staring at the star in the middle, looking deep in thought.  He nodded once, then picked up the shield and held it out to her.

Ryan stared, brows drawn in surprise.  "Take it," he said firmly.  "It's yours."

Her mouth dropped open.  " _What?_ "

"You are my first priority.  Not this," he said, and pushed it into her hands.  The metal felt cold and smooth, heavier than she expected.  She stared at it in shock, then looked up as Steve cupped a hand to her cheek.  "You and Buck are always more important.  You are always first."

"Steve," Ryan whispered, head practically spinning.  "No, no -- "

" _Yes,_ " he growled, low and fierce.  "You are not second place, to anything.  Our family is the most important thing in my life, and I did a shit job remembering that last night.  You were openly and directly threatened, and I didn't keep you safe.  I will never make that mistake again."

Ryan's mouth went dry as he backed away, as she was left standing there with Steve's legacy in her hands.  "You," she tried, throat clicking, and she swallowed heavily.  "You can't, Steve, what're you do -- you're _Captain America_ , you can't -- "

"I'm Steven Grant Rogers," he inserted, shaking his head.  "I'm your fiancé, and in less than a month, I will be your mate.  And I will never be Captain America again if you don't want me to."

"I don't!" she exclaimed.  His eyes widened a little, but he gave her a firm nod, and her stomach dropped to her feet.  "No, fuck, I mean I do!  I don't want you to not be -- you have to be!  I -- Jesus, Steve, I'm not gonna make you stop being you!" 

"I'm choosing you," he countered.  "I'm choosing the me that puts my mates and my family first.  That's who I am."

"You can be both!" she said, shoving the shield back at him.  He folded his arms, refusing to take it.  "No, Steve, come on, take it back."

"Only if that's what you really want."

"It is!" she yelled, desperation laced in her tone.  "You were Captain America way before you met me, I would _never_ make you give that up.  It's a huge part of you, Steve, I would never try to change that."

He didn't move, and she gave him a pleading look.  "Please."

He sighed through his nose, then slowly uncrossed his arms, grasping the edges of the shield.  "I've thrown this away once before.  I will do it again in a heartbeat if it means putting you first.  Where you belong."

Ryan closed her eyes, swaying on her feet a little.  Overwhelmed didn't begin to describe the maelstrom in her head and heart.  "Jesus, Steve.  I -- I'm not worth all this."

The shield clattered to the floor as his arms pulled her in close.  "You are to me," he said simply, and she choked back a sob.  "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," she breathed.  "I'm sorry for running away, I know I'm not supposed to do that.  I'm sorry I was being a coward."

"I forgive you," he echoed.  He squeezed her gently, then pulled back, dropping a kiss to her hair.  "But it's not being a coward to be legitimately afraid for your safety when you're threatened."

"You were right, though," Ryan countered, shaking her head.  "You guys can do a lot of good if you stand up to him.  And… I can take care of myself."

"Thing is, you don't have to."  He put his hands on her shoulders, eyes boring into hers.  "You're one of us now.  You were right -- Thor can't outright protest without causing an intergalactic incident, and whatever we do puts you at the most risk.  That's unacceptable.  My team -- my family -- looks after its own.  We'll come up with a compromise."

Ryan blew out a breath, then nodded.  Steve gave her a small smile, hands migrating to her face.  "Can I kiss you?"

"Anytime," she whispered, and closed her eyes as his lips captured hers.  He kept it soft, gentle, but with conviction in every touch.  God, she'd missed him too.

A minute later, she reluctantly pulled back.  "Today's been… crazy.  I think I'm gonna just take a shower," she said, and Steve chuckled softly.

"Can't wait 'til I can join you there," he murmured, then kissed her one last time before letting her go.  "I'll start on dinner.  Is spaghetti good?"

"I'll make the salad," she said with a smile.  He smiled back, then turned to head into the kitchen. 

Ryan made to go to their bedroom, but stopped at the sight of the shield still on the floor.  She paused, then picked it back up.  It was still heavier than she imagined it would be.

"Steve," she called out, and he turned back around.  She met his eyes, exhaling slowly.  "I'd stop him, if you asked me to.  It'd be easy.  I could do it."

Steve's lips parted, eyes wide.  Then, he quickly shook his head, setting his jaw.  "I would never ask you to do that."

"I know," she said simply.  "But if you did, I would." 

She turned away, setting the shield back down in its rightful spot.  Maybe she hadn't changed at all.  Maybe she really was a monster, a freak.  But, Steve and Bucky loved her.  For now, it was enough.

She sighed, then went to take a shower.  Bucky would be back soon, and her family was waiting.   

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very deliberately did not say our mango-in-chief's name throughout the chapter. He gets enough attention as it is.
> 
> Leave a comment if you want, they make my day <3
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Natasha: Everything will be fine, little red. There have been worse.  
> Bucky: Not here. Not like this.


	5. In Which Darcy is Protective of Cupcakes, But Ryan Manages to Ruin Them Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out a new way to do translations, let me know how it looks/feels!

 

_July 23rd_

 

Ryan flopped onto their new couch, pleasantly surprised at its bounciness.  Plush, soft leather, and just big enough for three.  Right then, her guys weren't allowed to enjoy it with her, though, and she sighed before she looked up.  “Please don’t yell at me.”

On the TV screen, Pamela raised an eyebrow.  “Something you need yellin’ at for?”

She dropped her head into her hands.  Knowing Pamela would be disappointed was almost worse than messing up in the first place, sometimes.  “I was dumb.  I’m sorry.”

“Rule number – “

“One,” Ryan said with her, earning her a smile.  “I was dumb, though.”

“Well.  Sounds to me like you’re already learning from it.”  Pamela shrugged.  “Start from the top, and we’ll see if I need to raise my voice.”

Ryan sighed again, then told her everything.  The nomination speech, the fight, running away.  What Bucky said and Steve did after, and how damn guilty she still felt.

“I’m being a coward!”  She hugged a pillow to her chest, staring out the windows.  “I can literally see myself being a coward, and I’m still doing it.”

“You’re right,” Pamela said, and Ryan buried her face in the pillow.  “Well, you are, sweet cheeks.  A coward is someone who lets fear control their emotions and their actions instead of dealing with the problem.  You fit the bill right now.”

Ryan clenched her jaw, sitting back up.  By some miracle of nature, or hormones, or something, she hadn’t full-out cried in almost a month, and she wasn’t breaking her streak, damn it.  “What do I do, then?”

“What do you think you should do?”

“Stop being so damn selfish and – "

“Is taking care of yourself selfish?” Pamela interrupted, pointing her pen accusingly.

Ryan almost rolled her eyes.  “Taking care of my emotional health is a need, not an option, and it’s better for everyone when I do.”  Reciting that morning and night had been her homework four times now.  It was nice that Bucky made a point to kiss her senseless when she did, though.  “But – "

“No buts, coconut.  Come up with a better answer.”

The silence stretched for a few minutes before she continued.  “I need to keep my powers secret.  That’s – if anyone finds out now, with the world like it is...  And the Avengers need to not outright protest.  But…”

“But?” Pamela asked, smiling softly.  Ryan had the distinct, irksome sense she’d reached the answer before she even knew the problem, and was just waiting for her to catch up.  Really, if she didn’t love Pam so much…

“There’s no reason I can’t,” she finished.  "I should be standing up with all the normal people, too."

Pamela smiled.  “There you go, sweetie.”

Ryan hesitated a moment though, frowning a little.  “And... what if Steve was just – Steve?  And Bucky was Bucky?  They’re citizens, they have rights, right?”

Pam's smile widened.  “That's a good point, too.  It might not be prudent to use their leverage as Avengers right now, but their names are still world-famous.  Just be careful not to piss off Miss Potts, and y'all should be fine.”

Her heart swelled at the thought of Steve’s face when she’d tell him.  He’d been so frustrated and restless lately, and keeping him from acting had been wrong of her, she knew.  But -–

“I just wish… I could go _with_ them, you know?”

Pamela hummed in sympathy.  “I get that.  But honestly, if you guys want to keep your relationship on the down-low for now, it’s good that you don’t.  The Unpresented Memorial Foundation stirred enough attention.”

“Yeah, I know.”  That legal quirk about classified information kept the press off Steve and Bucky’s backs, but hers was a different story.  There’d been a few reporters trying to dig into her past because of the memorial, but Pepper had managed to shut them down.  Breaking the news that Captain America and the Winter Soldier had a fiancée, though?  She’d be lucky to make it three feet from the Tower without flashing cameras and screaming reporters.

“Speaking of future attention and all that,” Pamela said, drawing her out of her thoughts.  “It’s way past due for you three to have a long, serious conversation about what’s happening down the line.”

Ryan groaned.  “I don’t want to.”

“I know, but too damn bad, sweetie.  Especially considering how long you three are gonna be sticking around.”

“Yeah, I know.”  She looked out the window, the one facing north.  “I guess I can’t keep working at the library forever.”

“Well, that’s not necessarily true,” Pamela said.  “Just not the same library, is all.  Come on, why don’t you write down a list of everything you guys need to go over?  It’ll make it easier.”

A few minutes later, she had more questions down than she ever wanted to ask.  “Do we seriously have to plan the entire rest of our lives now?” Ryan said, frowning at her own handwriting.

Pamela chuckled.  “Normal couples, hell no.  You three?  If you don’t have some sort of plan in place, your boys will do something stupid sooner rather than later.  They don’t have your good sense to keep out of trouble.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryan muttered.  “Apparently, last week SHIELD got some admittedly flimsy intel, but still asked them to do recon in  _Antarctica -_  and Steve wanted to go!  For fuck’s sake, it’s winter there!”

Pamela burst out laughing, slapping a hand to her knee.  “What top-shelf brand of idiot do you have to be to set up your evil-nonsense operations where the sun literally don’t shine?”

“Right?!”

 

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

Somewhere along the way, Ryan noticed she’d picked up a few of her fiances' mannerisms.  Bucky had a tendency to tap his metal fingers on glass, and she'd found herself clinking on her morning chai more than once since she'd moved in.   Today, though, Steve’s agitated pacing had her roving across their kitchen floor like she was back in Miss LaJoie's third grade tap class.  Every time she'd sit down, she’d end up hopping back up as if she’d been burned two minutes later.  At least she was making her step count today.

“Ryan.  Girl.  You’re, like, gonna make something explode,” Darcy said, eyeing her with concern.

“I’m fine!”

Darcy rolled her eyes, setting down the mixing bowl.  “You’re just talking about your future together!  What’s the big deal?”

“I just hate it, okay?”  Ryan grabbed the bowl, splattering some flour on her shirt before Darcy yanked it back.

“Give me that,” Darcy grumbled, “cupcakes are delicate, bitch.  And come on, you guys are already engaged!  You should’ve talked about shit – ” she pointed to the closed notebook on the kitchen island – “months ago.”

Ryan sighed, dropping to one of the bar stools again.  “I just – planning for the future never really works out for me, alright?  If I jinx this…”

Darcy’s face softened, and she grabbed a spoonful of batter and held it out.  “Taste.”

As Ryan licked, she added, “Look.  Say you’ve actually spent your whole life since you were eleven winging it.  Both good and bad stuff happened anyway!  It’s… like you told Clint,” she added, hesitating just a little.  “We all messed up, but after everything, we all ended up here, right?”

Ryan stared at her, cake batter forgotten.  “I didn’t know that… stuck with him,” she murmured, and Darcy nodded vigorously.

“Ryan, you’ve – I mean, we all love you, for real, but Clint?  God,” she said, shaking her head.  “You’ve been so good for him.  You're, like, the little-sister-best-friend he's never had.  Honestly, he might love you more than he loves pizza.  And only me, Nat, and archery are above pizza.”

Ryan blew out a breath, ducking her head for a second.  Not gonna break her streak, dammit.

“Oh my god, you’re crying?  How the hell did you make it through the foster system?”

“Jesus, Darce,” Jane exclaimed, eyes wide as she came in and grabbed the bowl, dipping her finger in.  “Some people are criers, you monster.”

“I’m not crying!”

“You were close,” Darcy said, wrestling the bowl away from Jane.  “Back, vulture.  Anyway, all this is to say, you don’t need bribery cupcakes!  Steve and Bucky are so gone on you, they’ll think planning your future together is actually fun.”

“That’s what the cupcakes are for?” Jane said, sitting next to Ryan.  “Like the money stuff again?  You should’ve hashed that out months ago – “

“That’s what I said!”

“Okay, okay,” Ryan said with a laugh.  “I get it.”

Jane slung an arm around her shoulders, squeezing gently.  “Relax.  It’ll be fine.  You’ll see.”

“Yeah, well, everyone always says that.  Given the general tendency for all major events in my life to be horrible, I’m inclined to disagree.”

Jane raised an eyebrow at her.  “Ryan.  I’m literally mated to an alien crown prince against his almost-all-powerful dad’s wishes, the guy whose insane adopted sibling toppled half of Manhattan.  I know this shit gets complicated.  If it worked out for me and Thor, it’ll work out for you guys.”

“Girl, the family you mated into,” Darcy sniggered, shaking her head.  “My two ex-assassins look like the sane choice next to yours.”

Ryan shrugged, grinning.  “I mean.  I’m mating a pair of septuagenarians that can pick up cars with one hand and punch Nazis in the face with the other.”

A beat of silence, and they all burst out laughing.  At least they were all crazy together.

 

 

* * *   * * *   * * *   

 

 

The first things Bucky noticed was the smell.  Baking chocolate, warm and rich and nothing he’d ever complain about.  A whiff of peanut butter, and his mouth started watering.  Was that a hint of espresso, too?  Oh, fuck, cupcakes were his weakness.  His sweet tooth was worse than a six-year-old’s.     

The harsh, sour scent of anxiety overpowering it all pretty much ruined the mood, though.

“Ryan?” he called out, toeing off his running shoes.  Ugh, his feet weren't helping the olfactory situation.  “You here, sweetheart?”

“In the kitchen – don’t come in, please, it’s not ready yet!”

He frowned.  “Is everything okay?”

“Great!”

Bucky tutted, rolling his eyes.  How had she survived this long, hiding all her secrets?  “Rule number three.”

“Hey!” she exclaimed, popping her head around the corner.  “Those are Pamela’s rules, that’s not fair.”

“But you are lying, right?” he retorted, raising an eyebrow.  He smirked when she glared at him.  “You have a scent now, babydoll.  Gotta learn to suppress it if you don’t want me knowing you’re half-panicked about something.  Now, spill.”

She sighed, slumping against the wall, and he walked over, took her hand.  The worry-scent was lessening already, but his own instincts were insisting he gather her close and not let go.  “Y’know, talking about shit is easier when you’re drunk,” he said, grinning wider as she frowned at him.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“But tipsy-Ryan would  _adorable_ ,” he whined, pressing a kiss to her cheek when she scowled.  “You’d take three sips of a Budweiser and trip over your own feet – “

“Stop,” she grumbled, trying to hold back a smile.

“ – half a shot of Nat’s  _Stolichnaya_  and you’d accidentally bring the roof down with you – “

“You’re such a jerk!” she said through a laugh, shoving fruitlessly at his chest.  He caught her hands and held them against him, crowding her into the wall.  Only sweet, sunny lilac now, he noted with pride as she looked up at him, corners of her big blue eyes crinkled with a smile.

“Truth hurts, sweetheart,” he whispered, and captured her lips with his.  He released one of Ryan’s hands to cup her cheek, fingers tangled in her hair as she looped it around his neck.  The other he held pressed flat against his heart.

Her nose wrinkled as he pulled back, and he quickly pressed a kiss to its tip.  Sober-Ryan was pretty fucking adorable, too.

“You’re all sweaty,” she complained, stepping away.  She sniffed more deliberately and grimaced.  “Good god, Buck, is that your feet?”

“Yeah, yeah, I need to shower,” he chuckled, stepping away.  “If you’d come freerunning with me, you’d appreciate it.”

“You've been going, like, three times a day lately.  I'm pretty sure I'd die."

"Nah, I'd catch you when you passed out.  And hey, the sweat doubles as smelling salts."

Ryan huffed, pointedly wiping her hands on her jeans.  "I'm sorry, but your 'smelling salts' could wake the dead.”

Bucky grinned, then lunged forward, growling and rubbing over her like an overexcited puppy.  She shrieked playfully, trying to bat him away.

“Quit it, geez, you’re so gross!”

“I dunno,” Steve inserted, arms suddenly wrapping around them both.  “You two smell pretty good to me.”

Bucky grinned as Steve leaned in to kiss Ryan, tugging her flush against him.  “See?  Stevie gets i –  _nngh_  – "

Steve suddenly gripped the back of his neck, and his mouth dropped open in a moan.  It took most of his concentration to keep his knees from buckling, limbs going limp with pleasure.

“Don’t be a brat,” Steve growled, pulling back from Ryan, who looked almost dazed.  His eyes were molten heat, and his grip tightened before he crashed their lips together.  Bucky honest-to-God whimpered, clinging to him.  Going a few months without sex before they all mated sounded fine in theory, but if the burning arousal in Steve’s scent meant anything, he was losing patience, too.  Best not-getting-laid plans and all.

Steve rumbled, deep in his chest, and sparks flooded down Bucky’s spine.  He pressed forward and licked into Steve’s mouth, jerking their hips together –

Wait.  That burning smell - shit, that was definitely actual burning.

“No, no, no!”  Ryan shoved away from them, dashing into the kitchen.  Steve and Bucky sprang apart, hurrying after her.  Smoke poured out of the oven, and Steve threw open the window as she yanked out a tray of blackened cupcakes.

“Dammit!” she yelled, dropping them with a clang on the stovetop.  “Come on!”

“Ryan, hey,” Steve inserted, eyes wide in surprise, “it’s okay – “

“No, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, slumping against the counter.  “It’s - stupid, I’m being stupid – “

Bucky scented the sour, anxious stress from before and groaned.  For Pete's sake, didn't they just get past an argument yesterday?  “Ryan, could you cut the crap and just tell us what the hell's going on, please?”

Ryan shrank into herself, eyes dropping to the floor, and Steve stepped in between them, arms held out.  “Alright, both of you, just – put it on pause for a minute, okay?”  He turned to Ryan, stroking gently up her arm.  “Have you had a real meal since we ate breakfast today?”

“…No.”

Bucky bit back another groan, and Steve shot him a warning look.  “Okay.  There’s still salad from last night, eat some of that before we talk, please.  And Buck, take a shower.”

He glanced down, smirking a little, and added, “A cold one.”

Bucky muttered a few choice words in Russian, and Steve rolled his eyes.  Just as he turned to leave, though, Ryan said, "Bucky, wait.  Steve, you go with him."

They both looked at her, eyes wide in surprise.  "We all decided - " Steve started, but Ryan cut him off.

"Steve.  You literally just walked in and started making out with both us," she said, folding her arms.  "And Bucky's been working out all the time, and you've been itching for a fight - or worse - for a while, now.”

“I’m fine – “

“Antarctica, Steve.”

He had the decency to look slightly embarrassed, and Ryan’s eyes softened.  “C’mon, guys.  Just cause  _we_  - " she pointed to all three of them in a circle - "decided to wait, doesn't mean you two have to."

Steve glanced over at him, blue eyes gone dark, and Bucky bit back a groan.  Fuck, he wanted to be fucked.  But god, did he want Ryan, too.  "Don't want it without you, sweetheart," he murmured, but Ryan just shook her head.   

"I know.  You both have scents, too," she said, smirking at him a little.  "But, go.  For real."

A moment's pause, then Steve pushed forward, pinning Ryan against the counter.  "We'll make it up to you," he rumbled, then crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss.  

Oh, shit.  Ryan was right - he was horny as hell, and watching them kiss like they needed each other to breathe was  _not_  helping the tightness in his shorts.  "Steve," he muttered, almost a whine, and Steve slowly pulled back from Ryan.

" _Ghrá mo chroí [Love of my heart],_ " he whispered, and Ryan loosed a breathy little sigh that did things to Bucky's heart.  

Then, Steve whirled around, grabbed Bucky by the flesh arm, and yanked him toward their bedroom.  "Ten minutes," he called over his shoulder, and Bucky made an affronted noise.  Steve rolled his eyes, but added, "Fifteen, max."

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

True to Steve's word, they emerged exactly twelve minutes later, hair dripping and skin scrubbed clean.  Bucky wore a slightly dazed, mostly self-satisfied smirk, and Steve's ears were tinged pink.

"Have fun?" Ryan asked, grinning behind her bowl of salad.

Bucky's smirk widened, and he sauntered up to where she sat on the counter.  Pushing between her legs, he leaned in to scent at her hair.  "Hell, yeah.  Was thinking about you the whole time," he mouthed at her neck, and pressed a kiss to where it met her shoulder.  Slowly, he drifted upwards, kissing a line to her cheek as she sighed, legs tightening unconsciously around him.

Steve snorted, breaking the mood.  "Enough, Casanova," he said, but he came and kissed Ryan, too.  "Just a few weeks left, now," he murmured in her other ear, and her stomach did a happy little flip.  "Can't fucking wait to be mated to you."

Dammit.  It was too perfect a segue.  "Speaking of," she said, pushing back a little, "we... need to talk about some stuff."

Steve's eyes widened a little, while Bucky's narrowed.  "What kind of stuff?" Steve asked quietly.

She sighed out of her nose, then hopped off the counter and fished the list out of her back pocket.  A little too defensively, she added, “Pamela says we have to."

Steve reached for the paper, but Bucky suddenly snatched it out of her hands, marching out of the kitchen and towards the living room.  “You coming?” he called back.

Ryan looked to Steve, who just shrugged and took her hand as they followed.  The TV turned on to Dustin Pedroia up to bat, and Ryan’s nerves settled in Bucky’s arms, Steve’s massive bicep resting over their shoulders and fingertips idly playing with her hair.  

“Here’s the op,” Bucky said when they were settled.  “We go through whatever the hell’s on this list fast as possible, then we order pizza from that place Ryan likes and watch the game and ignore everything we just decided.  Deal?”

“We’re supposed to – “

“Deal,” Steve inserted, laughing when Ryan sighed.  “Drive on, Sergeant.”

“Item number one,” Bucky announced, opening the paper with a flourish.  “ _When are we_ … when are we gonna leave New York, and where are we gonna go,” he finished, voice losing its bravado.  Ryan’s heart sank as he and Steve met eyes, his hand pausing in her hair.  Apparently, they hadn’t thought about it, either.

Steve swallowed.  “Well, um.  That’s a good question.”

“You guys… didn’t plan, at all?” Ryan asked tentatively.  “I mean.  You both knew… you couldn’t stay.”

“No, we knew,” Bucky said quietly.  “Just didn’t really want to go there yet.”  He managed a small smile, though, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “’S about time we did, though.  So, Stevie,” he added, raising an eyebrow.  “Road trip, part two?”

Steve smiled.  “Good enough for me.  Wanna see the Grand Canyon, sweetheart?”

Ryan chuckled under her breath.  “I’ve heard it’s nice there.  And hey, I obviously don’t mind being homeless.”

“Hey, now,” Steve inserted, voice gone serious.  “You’ll always have a roof overhead, alright?”  He looked up at Bucky again.  “What about Boston?  Cities are fine for going underground.”

“I already know everything we’ll ever need to know about it,” Ryan added quickly.  “It’s amazing, you guys’ll love it there – “

She cut off as Bucky frowned a little.  “American cities are fine - if you’re alone,” he said, and her heart sank again.  “But three of us are easy to track.  And when it starts being obvious we’re staying young too long, we need to fade out of public eye, then disappear completely.”  He stared at the TV, brows furrowed in thought.  The Red Sox were losing, 2-1.  “We should think about Europe.  Eastern.  Eight to ten years from now.” 

“That's soon,” Steve said, eyes going wide.  “We should have fifteen at least – “

“I don’t,” Ryan sighed, and Bucky nodded sadly.  “People will look at me a lot closer than they will you two.  If that one estimate Dr. Simmons made was totally right, I’ll only age three to five years in that time.  It’ll raise questions after a while.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, but he nodded anyway.  “Alright.  Somewhere in Romania, 2030.”  He sighed through his nose, then gestured at the list.  “What’s next?”

“ _What will we do about money in the future?_ ” Bucky read, then snorted.  “That’s easy.  We’ve got enough for two of _our_ lifetimes.”

“Really?” Ryan said incredulously.  “The whole military back pay thing couldn’t have – “

“No, that was only about three million for me, one and half for Buck,” Steve said.  “A little extra for our quiet on some things.  But, we’re on SHIELD payroll right now, and that’s not nothing.  And… well.  Tony wrote me and Buck into his will.”

“He -- _what?_ ” Bucky exclaimed.  “Me – no, he – “

“Pepper told me,” Steve said softly.  “When she was helping me get you papers and ID and things for coming back.  He doesn’t want anyone to know, but.  When he… passes, any of us still around will be set.  For our lives, and any kids’ lives, and even some trusts for grandkids, if needed.”

Ryan blew out a breath, her head dropping back to the couch cushion.  “That’s… god.  Wait, does he – know?”

“Probably,” Steve said, shrugging a little.  “He can hack SHIELD in a heartbeat, and it's not like he's got any respect for privacy.  He has to've read the classified files on me, at least.”

Bucky tutted, rolling his eyes.  “You’re right.  No way he hasn’t read mine, too.”

“One easy way to find out,” Ryan said, and glanced upwards.  “JARVIS?  Does Tony know?”

A beat of silence, and then, “Yes, Ryan.  He reviewed Captain Rogers’ files four years ago, Sergeant Barnes’ just under two, and yours a few months back.  However, he has told no one – not even Miss Potts – and encrypted every file himself after viewing.  Furthermore, he has added your name to his final testament, even if you remain unmated.”

“Nosy bastard,” Bucky muttered, but there was no heat in it. 

They all sat quiet for a moment, but Steve stirred as Betts struck out against whoever the Twins had pitching.  “Money’s fine.  What else?”

“ _What about kids?_ ” Ryan read aloud, then chuckled.  “Well, that one’s easy, at least.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, a soft, crooked smile under sparkling eyes.  “I vote at least three, and one of ‘em gets Buchanan as a middle – “

“Fuck you, Steve, we’re not saddling our kid with the name _Bucky Jr_. – “

“Big Buck and Little Buck, it’s adorable – “

“Yeah?  One of ‘ems getting named Roger, then – “

“Roger Rogers?  You’d do that to your own flesh and blood – ?“

“Guys,” Ryan whispered, low and strangled.  Her heart was still beating, right?  She couldn't seem to feel anything over the shock.  “Guys, I – I can’t have kids.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda missed the cliffhanger thing. Also, ooohhh my goodddddd it's been FOREVER SINCE I POSTED I'M SORRY
> 
> But! After this chapter, there is one more here and then THE SEQUEL!!
> 
> And - just as a little incentive to keep coming back - in the end notes of the next chapter, I'll be revealing the sequel NAME!! I can't wait to share it with you guys!! <3 <3 <3


	6. In Which Hamilton Is Everyone's Favorite Musical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the interlude! Thanks for your love and support <3

 

July 23rd (continued)

 

_“Well, Don, the team just hasn’t shown up lately – defense obviously needs some work, they’ve been off ever since the All-Star break –  ”_

_“ – it’s communication and follow-through with the players, honestly, they hit a good start and then strand their guys on base – ”_

 

Steve stared at her in shock, skin gone pale and mouth dropped open.  His eyes dropped to her stomach, his hand reaching out, and Ryan inhaled sharply.

“No, I mean – I’m capable, I – I don’t know why I wouldn’t be,” she stammered, and Steve’s eyes dropped shut, shoulders slumping.  The couch shifted behind her, Bucky collapsing into the cushions.

“You don’t want kids,” Bucky murmured, and the sheer emptiness in the words lanced through her heart.

Steve straightened up, blowing out a short breath.  “Okay, then.  That’s – yeah.”

“No, guys, I – “  Ryan jumped to her feet, hands running through her hair.  “It’s not that I don’t – it literally hadn’t even crossed my mind, it’s – did you really think – I just can’t.”

Bucky finally met her eyes.  “You can’t, or you won’t?”

He might as well have slapped her.  “That’s not fair,” she whispered, taking a step back.  “I didn’t – I didn’t know you wanted them.”

Steve stood up then, wiping a hand over his face.  “Why did you say this one was easy?”

“I thought it was obvious that I – we – couldn’t.”  Ryan paused, hugging her arms to her chest.  “And it just… was never something I thought about.”

“Why couldn’t we?”

Ryan furrowed her brows at him.  Were they being obtuse on purpose?  That wasn’t like them at all.  “My – our kids would have _superpowers_ , Steve.  I was born like this, your guys’ genes were permanently changed!  Our kid would have both sets!”

Steve and Bucky glanced at each other.  “Well, yeah,” Steve said, as if it was obvious.  “Buck and I have the same abilities, we know what they are.  Yours showed up over time and could possibly be different in our kids, so we keep an eye out for that.”

“Keep an eye out?”  Ryan said faintly.  “Keep an eye – Steve, I wouldn’t put _anyone_ through what happened to me!  You think I’d curse my own _kid_ with my powers?”

Understanding dawned in his eyes, and something too close to pity followed.  Ryan held up a hand, cutting him off.  “No, don’t – what if something happened to us?”

“Ryan, sweetheart.  Your parents’ deaths were freak accidents,” Bucky said gently, and Ryan rounded on him.

“Freak accidents?  They were _murdered!_   They were murdered by psychopaths who ruined my life and took away any chance I had at a normal future!”

“You have that chance now!”  Bucky leapt to his feet, eyes wide and intense.  “You were _never_ normal, Ryan.  Mating, having kids, settling down with your family?  That’s as normal as any of us are ever gonna get!”

“So that’s why you want them?!” Ryan shouted.  “To try to feel normal?  Our kids won’t have that!  They’ll have to hide who they are _every single day_ of their lives!”

“My child will not have to hide with us,” Steve inserted.  He came to stand between them, and Ryan was startled to see him swipe a hand over his eyes, his jaw clenched tight.  “We’ve made it this far, and we always come back to each other.  We can’t put our lives on the back burner for what-ifs and maybes.”

All three of them went silent, the baseball game still playing in the background.  Two innings later, and nothing had changed. 

Steve thumbed at his eyes again, and Ryan felt a piece of her heart crack in two.  She fell back onto the couch, anger puffed out a quickly as it flared.  “I’m sorry.”

A warm weight on her left, and she sank into Bucky’s side.  “No, I am,” he murmured.  “I didn’t handle that well.”

“Me neither,” Steve said, sitting to their right.  “We need to respect your wants, too.”

Ryan sighed out a deep breath.  What did she want?  She knew what she didn’t, for sure.  To watch her child grow up in hiding, leaving wherever they called home every few years so their parents wouldn’t be tracked down and experimented on, forced to be watchful and mindful every second of every day so no one would ever see –

 

Her child.

 

Her child with Steve’s big blue eyes.  Bucky’s crooked smile.  Babbling in Irish and Spanish before they knew a word of English. 

Falling asleep on Bucky’s chest, an indestructible hand cradling their tiny head.  Taking their first steps towards Steve, then being able to outrun her two years later.

Teaching her kid how to read.  How to dance.

How to fly.

“I can’t have kids,” Ryan whispered, “because I would do anything for them.”

She looked back up at Steve, who furrowed his brows in confusion.  “We would, too,” he whispered back.  “Anything.”

Ryan slowly shook her head, standing up again.  Then, she whirled around and thrust out a hand, and Steve and Bucky froze in place, blue light coloring their skin.  She let only their eyes move, each going wide with shock.

“I would do _anything_ for my child,” she said.  “Anything to keep them safe.  And there are lines I can cross that nobody should.”

She dropped her hand.  They collapsed back into the couch, gasping for breath, and she closed her eyes.

It was effortless.  Those two could move mountains, and she could stop them with one hand.  She knew that, intellectually, but.  Knowing and seeing felt as different as life and death. 

And, if she was being honest?  She didn’t trust anyone with that power.  Not even herself.

She took a deep breath, and reopened her eyes.  Steve and Bucky looked back, a wariness in their faces that made her feel sick to her stomach.  “Is this a deal breaker for you?”

Steve was up on his feet so quick she didn’t even see the movement.  “No.  Just – no.”

She nodded once, then swallowed.  “Bucky?”

He took longer to reply, so long she felt her hands start to shake.  Then, slow and heavy, he finally stood.  He looked to Steve first, eyes unreadable.  Blank and empty, ochre brown turned dark. 

He turned to her at last, and she held her breath.  “Nothing is worth losing you.”

Relief crashed through her, and she swayed on her feet a little before Steve caught her.  He gently pulled her against his chest, an arm across her shoulders and hand on the back of her neck.  A brush of lips atop her hair, and tears prickled at her eyes.  They were too good for her.

“But,” Bucky said, and she twisted around to look at him.  His eyes held a flicker of hope, and she would keep it there if it killed her.  “Down the line, when we’re not… soldiers, or heroes, or anything.  When we’re just us again.  Things can change.  Will you at least not rule it out completely?”

It wasn’t going to change.  Not enough.  She knew that, and yet, she still said, “Of course.  I’ll… keep an open mind.”

He managed a small smile, and then she was wrapped in his arms, too.  She felt Steve press a kiss to Bucky’s forehead over hers, arms tightening around her.  “No more of the list tonight.  Whatever’s next, we’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“Fine by me,” Bucky muttered, pulling back.  “I’ll order the pizza,” he added, and strode away back to the kitchen.

“We don’t have to – “ Ryan started, but he was already gone.

“It’s fine,” Steve said, letting her go.  “I, uh, need to answer some SHIELD emails, I’ll be back in a bit.” 

He went back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. 

And just like that, Ryan was alone.

Dinner was quiet that night.

 

* * *   * * *   * * *

 

 

_August 14 th (the day before the ceremony)  _

 

**_From: Natasha_ **

_Get down here.  You two have to see this. :)_

 

“Lee, do you yield?”

“You shot him in the side, yes he yields!”

“I’m satisfied – “

Nat watched from the dining room, chuckling to herself as Steve and Bucky entered.  She turned to them with a gleam in her eye, a rare, real smile on her face.  “Your girl’s an alright singer,” she said, “but she can rap like _hell_.”

Steve and Bucky looked at each other in surprise, then back to the kitchen.  Jane, Darcy, and Ryan appeared surrounded by the contents of an entire bakery storefront, Darcy wearing an apron reading _World’s Okayest Baker_ and Ryan’s hair and shirt covered in flour.

“Guys!” she called out, a little chastising.  “We finished the arch, the chairs are all set up, and the point of the sleepover was to _not_ see me before the ceremony!”

“You can _rap?_ ” Bucky said over Jane belting out Eliza’s solo plea to Hamilton, dramatically clutching Darcy’s arm.  “Since when?”

Ryan rolled her eyes, cheeks turning pink.  “I can’t freestyle, but I can learn rap songs and do them okay.”

“Prove it,” Steve challenged, a wide grin spreading over his face.  Ryan’s cheeks went all the way to red, but she straightened up and reached for her phone. 

“You two do the intro,” she called to Darcy, who smirked dangerously.  She switched to the next song, and Darcy began, almost in key.

“How does a ragtag volunteer army in need of a shower somehow defeat a global superpower?”

“How do we emerge victorious from the quagmire, leave the battlefield waving Betsy Ross’ flag higher?” Jane added, raising an eyebrow at Steve.

“Yo, turns out we have a secret weapon – an immigrant,” Darcy said, pointing to Ryan, “you know and love who’s unafraid to step in.”

“She’s constantly confusing, confounding the British henchmen – “

“Everyone give it up for America’s favorite fighting Frenchman – _Lafayette!_ ”

“I’m taking this horse by the reins, making Redcoats redder with flushed veins!”

Steve’s mouth dropped open, Bucky mirroring beside him.  “Holy shit!” Bucky laughed, Ryan’s words flowing fast and easy as her body bounced with the beat.  “You’re _good!_ ” 

Steve just laughed, shaking his head.  Every day, something new to learn.  He never wanted it to end.  “The world will never be the same, Alexander,” he sang, stepping into Washington’s solo.  The music turned slower, more pensive, and he took Ryan’s hand.  Even he and Bucky knew and loved Hamilton nowadays; and this song, more than any of the others, had stuck with him. 

“I was younger than you are now, when I was given my first command,” he continued, turning back to Bucky.  “I led my men straight into a massacre – I witnessed their deaths firsthand.”

His eyes dropped shut.  “I made every mistake, and felt the shame rise in me.  And even now, I lie awake, knowing history has its eyes on me.”

Bucky hummed softly behind them, backup to Steve’s tune as he took Ryan’s other hand.  “History has its eyes on you,” he sang, quiet and grave. 

Steve turned back to Ryan, the lyrics suddenly heavy and desperate on his tongue.  “Let me tell you what I wish I’d known, when I was young and dreamed of glory.”  He put his free hand on her cheek, her eyes fixed wide on his.  “You have no control – “

“Who lives, who dies, who tells your story,” he and Bucky sang together, and right then the words felt more real, more true than any he’d ever said. 

“I know that we can win,” he sang alone, gripping her hand a little tighter.  “I know that greatness lies in you – but remember, from here on in –“

“History has its eyes on you,” they all finished together, Ryan’s voice soft but clear.  They stared at each other, the world narrowed to the three of them as the song finished.  An odd feeling prickled on the back of his neck. 

Then, a record scratched, and the spell broke.  Ryan blinked, lips parting.  “Monsieur Hamilton,” she called, turning back to Darcy, and they jumped back into the music. 

Bucky huffed a laugh, and Steve turned back to him.  His brow was furrowed, eyes dark, worried as he watched Ryan sing.  “ _Buille faoi thuairim é cogadh gcónaí mar an gcéanna [Guess war’s always the same]._ ”

He took Bucky’s metal hand, kissed the back before holding it tight.  “ _An cogadh in imeacht. Táimid abhaile anois [The war’s over.  We’re home now]._ ” 

Bucky nodded slowly, eyes still fixed on Ryan.  “ _Inis dom í sábháilte [Tell me she’s safe].”_

Steve sighed, then turned to watch Ryan, too.  He’d keep that smile on her face until his dying breath.  “ _Chomh sábháilte agus is aon duine againn..  [As safe as any of us.]”_ He shook his head.  “ _Féidir léi a chur de chúram féin.  Agus amárach, tá sí linne. [She can take care of herself.  And tomorrow, she’s ours].”_

_“Linne.  [Ours.]”_ Bucky shook himself a little, a soft smile clearing away the gloom.  “Ryan, sweetheart,” he called, and she turned back to them.  He went to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her, slow and gentle. 

“See you tomorrow,” he murmured, and Ryan bounced on her toes, her smile widening with excitement.

“Can’t wait,” she said, then kissed him again before skipping over to Steve, standing on tiptoe to kiss him, too.  “Love you.  Now get out of here!”

Steve chuckled.  “Yes, ma’am.”  He kissed her one more time, lingering against her lips, then took Bucky’s hand and left.  Nat’s eyes followed them out, narrowed slightly.  He gave her a small smile.  She didn’t return it.  As always, she saw right through them.

When the door closed behind them, he paused.  “Well, it's just us.  What’re we gonna do tonight?”

Bucky frowned.  “I dunno.  What did we do before we lived with Ryan?”

“I dunno."  Steve shrugged.  "Wanna watch Breaking Bad and fall asleep?”

Bucky shrugged back.  “Sure.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh those losers - totally lost without their girl.
> 
> I'm not, like, head-over-heels in love with this chapter, but I definitely wanted it out sooner rather than later. Needed to set the mood for the start of the sequel, you know? And I'd had that Hamilton scene in my head for MONTHS at this point. Hope you guys liked it :)
> 
>  
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> And now, as promised: 
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> The big reveal - 
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>  
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> The moment you've all been waiting for - 
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>  
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> The title of the sequel iiiiiissssssssss... 
> 
>  
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> _Light and Dark and Shadow!_ Yay!!!
> 
>  
> 
> I'll be posting the first chapter by the end of the month! Remember to subscribe to the series _Who Is Ryan Green?_ to get notified!
> 
>  
> 
> Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes! Ryan, Bucky and Steve will be back soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working towards the sequel! This is just in the meantime, to keep myself writing regularly as I tie up some loose ends and work on my other projects for a bit :) Enjoy!!


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